I'm Finally Seeing It.

I grew up in the country.  It was absolutely magical.  Each day I watched the sun rise, shine, and set on a big farmer's field that changed colours throughout the year.  On the horizon I could see a big red barn belonging to the Baker's.  Within a five kilometre radius I knew of five good places to swim, and only one of them was a public pool.  When I got strong enough, I was allowed to saddle a horse and set off on an adventure.  I had a partner in crime who basked in the magic of the outdoors with me, even if it meant making the three kilometre walk through the fields to each others houses.  I wrestled calves into a shoot to be branded.  I shot pigeons with a pellet gun.  My cousins and I had a kingdom in which we would play for hours.  It was little more than a small pasture full of dead tree stumps and caragana bushes that had mazes carved through them by cattle.  My childhood was set in a place of never ending adventure and unforgettable beauty.

Then I grew up.  And moved on to bigger things, like school.  Which meant moving into the city.

While deciding which city to pick, I was always DEAD against one.  Calgary.  It was too big, and too busy, and too awful to ever possibly live in.  Thank goodness I wasn't going to live there!

And so I moved to Edmonton.  And then I moved to Lethbridge.  And then something terrible happened.  The cards I got played dictated that my next move was to none other than... Calgary.

And Calgary was awful.  I could hear violent and vulgar fights in my back alley.  I could smell the pot my neighbours were smoking through the heat vents in my house.  The traffic could make a 5 minute drive take what seemed like over half an hour.  My car got broken into.  There was litter and cigarette butts everywhere.  Everything was so crowded.  There were way too many people.  Everyone I met seemed either really weird or really snobby.  Everything I did was always so rushed.  My roommates and I had the cops waking us up in the middle of the night for witness statements about a fight we knew nothing about.  I got parking tickets.  There were no good places to have adventures like back home.  Nothing looked pretty anymore.  Even the houses were ugly with their huge garages and tiny yards.  I was surrounded by an awful city and even the idea of adventure ceased to be available.

Then I went on a run.  Just a month or so ago.  And something amazing happened.

As I look back on it now, I don't think it was a sudden and life-altering revelation like I did at the time.  It was something that's been in the making for awhile now.  Ever since I moved here.  I realized that I'm still surrounded by adventure and beauty.  I simply have to allow myself to see it.  Something I had never let myself do, since I already knew that I hated Calgary.  But on that run, my eyes opened.  I saw the beauty.  And since then I haven't let myself stop looking for it.  Because it turns out it's everywhere.  Even in a city.  And even in Calgary.

One thing I've found with Depression is that when I'm really sick, I struggle with seeing things in any way other than the way I decide on.  If I can't see a way of fixing things, then there's no way of fixing them.  Or, if I know how to fix things, then that's the only way it can be done.  If I say that nothing can make me feel better, then I won't let anything make me feel better.  If I say only this will work, then that's the only thing I will let do the job.  I trap myself into my own words, ideas, and perspectives.  I take myself hostage and in doing so I only make myself more miserable.  I could be laying in a hammock on the rooftop of a beautiful villa in the Galapagos Islands, surrounded by the ocean, basking in the rich and succulent equatorial sunlight (on my own honeymoon for Pete's sake!) and still be convinced that I was going through the worst moment of my entire life.  The mind is a powerful thing.  Fortunately, you're the one that controls it.  You can see the beauty around you, and you can find where those never-ending adventures are.

Class Assignments Make Cool Blog Posts Right?

Since I just don't seem to have much time to blog lately, I decided I should try the "two birds with one stone" tactic.  Posting school assignments on a blog is cool right?  Well, I'm doing it.  Enjoy.

I've debated since Wednesday's class as to how I would answer this post.  You see, I could take two, very different, directions.  I could go in the direction of the majority, what my classmates and teacher are most likely expecting.  Some sort of answer reflecting on great ideas of how I'm going to go out into the world of Sport & Recreation and shape the world, or Canada, or Alberta, or Calgary.  The sorts of ideas I had when I began this degree, the ideas I have been sowing and hoping to reap since High School.  The sorts of ideas that will eventually lead to some sort of recognition in this field, or at least to my professors and class mates and fellow Recreation Professionals.  Or, I could answer with what actually lies in my heart, what I'm incredibly passionate about, and what I truly believe will be the biggest and best thing I could do to shape the future in my chosen profession.

Allow me to go back almost a year to October 2011.  As I mentioned in class on Wednesday, I had the great privilege of attending the National Recreation Summit as a student recorder.  Words cannot describe my feelings of excitement and extreme gratitude when I opened the email invitation.  This was all I could have hoped for, this was my real chance to break into the world of Recreation, this was the start to the rest of my life, at least in regards to a career.  However, as the weekend of the Summit began to approach, I began to feel quite reticent about going.  You see, I had a boyfriend.  And I would have been spending the weekend with him.  I know, how lame.  I had this once in a lifetime experience ahead of me and all I could think about was spending another weekend with my boyfriend.  Fortunately, I knew better than to cancel and pulled my socks up, preparing to do my best, learn lots, and get the most out of this very lonesome weekend.  

Long story short, the Summit was amazing.  I got to hear from some of the most intelligent, innovative, and successful people in Canada at the front lines shaping Recreation.  But I still missed my boyfriend.

  

I don't know exactly what afternoon it was, but something amazing happened.  And I've never been the same since.  It was another long afternoon of listening to plenary addresses and panels and so on.  Then Richard Louv got up and spoke about Nature-Deficit Disorder.  He spoke of his own childhood and how a forest behind his house was the most magical place, a place where some of his best memories took place.  He shared a story of a middle aged man being choked up at finding his childhood "nature spot" had been excavated and turned into a subdivision.  And then he went on to share statistics and facts on how today's child does not have an attachment to a place in nature like children used to.  How today's child misses out on the crowning moments of childhood which take place in playing in the great and boundary-less outdoors, because they are no longer taught to play outside due to technology, or they are no longer given the chance to due to fearful parents.  And that's when the fire started.  

How could this be?!  This is a travesty!!  How could children be robbed of something so sacred?  With my own childhood still fresh in my mind, this struck me as heart breaking.  Nearly all the highlights of my childhood took place outdoors.  To hear that kids are now passing through the golden days of childhood without having the opportunity to make those memories and form those bonds with the outdoors made me almost livid.  And then I thought something that really, really surprised myself.

"I'm going to teach my kids how to love the outdoors.  I'm going to teach my kids how to use their imagination.  I'm going to show my kids how to be creative.  I'm going to show them how to develop a passionate love for recreation.  I'm going to be the best mom."

I'll admit through all my years of growing up I've never really placed a very high priority on Motherhood.  I guess I always assumed that someday I would be a mother, but I never really entertained the thought for long.  I had what I considered to be bigger and better ambitions.  However, I'll admit that even in the beginning of this degree, due to my small town roots, my ambitions rested in a small community setting of recreation, something that may be smirked at by the keeners in hot in pursuit of prestigious sport jobs, yet nonetheless something I was passionate about.  With this being said, how do I plan to create the future?

I plan to raise children.  I plan to teach them to love the outdoors.  I plan to teach them a love for being active, a love for recreation, a love for sport.  I plan to teach them life long leisure skills that will shape them into partakers, or perhaps even contributors to, the world of Sport & Recreation.  With this being said, I also plan to use my skills.  I plan to take a proactive role in my community's recreation scene.  I plan to be involved with my community association, or my community council, or my community recreation centre.  I plan to do this in a way that is either paid or volunteer, whatever works with my first priority of raising children.  I plan to not only be a recreation example to my own children, but to the children of my community.  Because I truly believe in the saying that it takes a community to raise a child.  I'm living proof.

Now, how sheepish do I feel after writing something like this for my whole class?  Only a little bit.  Because this discussion thread is really long and that's both nerdy and embarrassing.  Am I embarrassed to admit my ultimate career choice is something as simple as motherhood?  No.  Because what most Sport & Recreation professionals fail to realize is the immense role that mothers play in this field.  Mothers teach their children to walk, run, catch a ball, skip, jump, and a variety of foundational sport skills.  Mothers are the example of how to invest free time.  If mom watches TV or sets her kids in front of it, they most likely won't be all that interested in hiking or swimming or skating or so on.  Who drives little Dan to soccer practice?  Who takes Katie for a bike ride?  Who instills the foundational knowledge, love, and passion for Sport & Recreation into the upcoming generation?  Perhaps it isn't Mom who does all these things, but for the kids who do have a mom doing this, do you think they have an advantage?  I do.

When it comes to creating the future in my field of study, I want to be at the grass roots level.  Because I believe that at this level I will be able to make the biggest difference of all.  And that is how I will create the future.

School Has Taken My Spare Time Hostage.

So I'm still alive.  I've just been kidnapped by school.  It's so lame.  I agree with this old guy:

I just can't help thinking of all the awesome, productive, and creative things I could be doing if I wasn't stuck jumping through hoops.  

Anyways, although I've been too busy to be a good blogger, I've still be working away at checking things off my Fall To Do List.  Allow me to share my progress.

The first day of school has come and gone.  Enjoy our lovely back to school pictures:

Jon is married to a bum.  

How have our Love Jars been going?  Remember these?

Well, they've been awesome!  We found that completing a favour every day to be pushing it, so we give ourselves a week to complete the little mystery we draw from each others jar.  So far Jon has done the best one for me.  One of my favours I wanted was for Jon to play a phone prank on me.  HE GOT ME SOOO GOOOOOD!!!  Lately I've been doing something somewhat illegal... Don't judge me.  Long story short, I find music I like on YouTube and then go here to get it for free...  (This is a recent favourite song...)  So, I've been a bad Kristen.  Please don't judge me.  Anyways, Jon knew this about me and then when he drew the favour to "play a phone prank" he knew just what to do.  He phoned this prank to me.  And it got me good.  I highly recommend playing this prank on someone you know to be committing digital piracy.

Next update - Jon and I have tried to implement the "Phone Box" into our life.  What is that you might ask?  Pretty much exactly what it sounds like.  A box for our phones.  In this new digital world, newly weds don't get home phones.  Instead they both continue to live separate phone lives with their private cell phones.  Which turns out to be very distracting and create a sort of barrier between spouses.  Or at least that's what they were doing to Jon and I.  Since we don't have a TV, internet, board games, or anything else really entertaining at our place, phones were being used a bit much.  So we welcomed this little fellow into our lives:

Nowadays, once we get home for the evening from school, we put our phones to rest in the box.  They are much less distracting when they are put away.  I'm beginning to feel like getting a smart phone was the worst decision of my life.  I'd much rather have a home phone and, if completely necessary, an old school, bare bones cell phone for when I'm out of the house driving somewhere.  The phones like the box, don't they look so cozy?

And one last thing worth sharing on this here blog.  Some pictures of our humble abode.  Cause that's what all the cool kids do.  Here is our home:

The piano wall.  Complete with backpacks and a lovely dress form.

The rest of the living room.  We do not have a dining room.  Or a table.  Or chairs.  

And here's our cute little kitchen.

So I believe that's a wrap.  I promise to write something a little more... enlightening in the very near future.  Have a good week.

La-La-La-Love Jars!

What the heck are "love jars?"  Perhaps you asked yourself that very question after reading my last post.  Well, to be honest, "love jars" are a very dorky and somewhat romantic idea I had when I was about a couple years younger and not married.

Since I'm a realist, or I like to consider myself one, younger Kristen realized and understood that marriage is not a perpetual continuation of that sacred and sappy period known as the "honeymoon phase."  I was told marriage was work so I took it to heart and thought of something that would add a little bit of spontaneity and romance back into the mix.  Or at least I think it will, because today is officially the first day of these said "love jars."

Last night for FHE Jon and I set to work on constructing these blessed "love jars".  Here's what you need:

Two jars - one for each 

Paper, Pens, and Scissors

The next step is to fill a jar with a bunch of "favours" or "displays of love" or just down right silly things that you would consider plain awesome if your spouse did it for you.  For example:

Something Jon has to look forward to.

After filling the jar with all sorts of things you would love to have happen on a regular day in the not-so-distant future, you exchange jars with your spouse.  So I now have Jon's jar, and Jon has mine.  They are sitting ever so nicely on our night stand tables on our respective sides of the bed.

Now for the fun part.  We take turns drawing from each other's jars.  Today is my day to have a surprise from my love jar happen.  So last night Jon drew one of my "favours" and I get to look forward to it happening some time today...  It hasn't happened yet.  I hope it's awesome.  Like taking me out for a blizzard.  Or cleaning the toilet.  Or ... wait!  Jon reads my blog and I'm giving all my favours away!!  

Tonight before I go to bed, I get to draw a favour from Jon's jar, and then tomorrow is HIS day.

Man.  I don't even know if this post makes sense.  And I don't even know if I should be sharing this incredibly dorky side of myself.  Thankfully I have a husband who puts up with it.

So darn excited to start the "favour jars"

Gosh Darn It, I'm Excited For Fall!

Honestly, I'm not really that excited for fall.  But I'm making myself be.  Because sometimes you have to make yourself pretend to be super excited for something before you actually are.

Before being actually diagnosed with Depression, I would display traits of it every year exactly around this time.  That dreadful time of year when the summer ends and the reality of a long and cold winter looms ahead.  So I guess you can say I might have Seasonal Depression.  Anyways, this year I have decided that I don't want to be sad about Fall and Winter.  So I'm going to treat it exactly how I treat Spring and Summer.

I'm going to say I'm excited (hence the title of this post), I'm going to make a "To Do List" of all the fun things I want to accomplish during the Fall, and I'm going to embrace the simple delights of each Fall day (something that seems a lot easier to do during the summer).

So here goes nothing!  

I AM SO EXCITED FOR FALL!!

Here is my Fall To Do List:

1.  Take back to school pictures with Jonny

2.  Make and host a dinner in our humble home

3.  Carve a pumpkin and roast the seeds

4.  Be the best candy givers on Halloween

5.  Go on a double date

6.  Make our own little Thanksgiving dinner

7.  Go to a Remembrance Day Memorial Ceremony

8.  Manage my time better

9.  Start the "Love Jars"

10.  Start the "Phone Box"

And here is Jon and I embracing a simple fall delight on September 1st - driving down to visit my parents for the long weekend.  Enjoy!