You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room of people that you don't know? You're nervous to be around all these strangers, you feel self-conscious that they're judging you, and suddenly you begin to feel insecure with who you are. You don't know this feeling? STOP LYING TO YOURSELF, I'm sure everyone on the face of the earth has encountered
at least one of the trifecta of sensations listed above, specifically: nervousness, self-consciousness, and insecurity. If you sincerely haven't, good for you, there's probably no need for you to continue reading because you're obviously "thriving" at YSA. For everyone else, take a moment to realize that you are
literally not the only person who has ever felt this way, and I don't use the L-word lightly.
With that all being said, let's go back to that room full of strangers you just walked into. You're nervous, self-conscious, insecure, and to make things even worse, you're
obviously being "judged" by these strangers who are all simultaneously coming to the conclusion that you're an "outsider," as Confessor #604 puts it. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're wrong. I guarantee that the majority of those strangers staring at you are encountering some of the exact same feelings as you. They're nervous because you're a new person, who could
very well be judging them, and they likely feel deep down that they should introduce themselves to you and help make you feel comfortable, but DANG! that's scary. They're self-conscious because, well, what if they did step up and introduce themselves and you
obviously thought they were weird? They're insecure because they don't want to make a fool of themselves in front of you, the stranger, who is
clearly judging them. Can you see where I'm going here?
More often than not, what appears to be someone "judging" you is actually someone coping with they're own trifecta of feelings. For example, for
FHE once our ward went swimming. A friend of mine I was swimming with had some
tattoos and after awhile he blurted out, "Why do you keep staring at my tattoos?!" He probably felt like I was judging him for getting his tattoos, but in all honesty, I had been combatting my curiosity for fear that he would be offended if I asked him questions like, "Did it hurt?" and "Does it have any special meaning to you?" Was I judging him? No. Would he have been upset if I asked him those questions? Probably not. Were we both feeling some aspect of the trifecta of feelings? Yes. So, trust me when I say that EVERYONE feels the way you do.
2. Get to Know Each Other
 |
| The one and only Brad Jones with his Dearest Swedish Princess |
While growing up I can vividly remember times when I'd be walking through a grocery store with my mom and she'd stop and talk to a stranger like they were an old friend. As soon as she was done and we'd start walking away I'd ask, "Who was that?" To which she would answer that they were someone she met in
institute, or while she was part of YSA. As I got older and more acquainted with my parent's friends, I became curious as to how they met each other. "While we were in YSA," was an incredibly common answer. Where am I going with this? Whether you like it or not, the people apart of the YSA in your area are going to be apart of your life even after you "graduate," or get married. Although
the church is big, it's not THAT big, especially in Alberta.
Have you ever heard of the term "networking?" It's usually a term used to denote acquiring contacts that have potential to help you in advancing your career. Believe it or not, "networking" exists in the church. For example, you need a place to live when you move to Edmonton for school, so you have your friend's older sister have her boyfriend ask his sister if she knows of a place because she's living there right now. That's networking. Another example: you move into a new family ward and you introduce yourself to someone as having grown up in small town southern Alberta, to which they exclaim, "Do you know so-and-so?" who was actually your
Bishop, and suddenly you have something to talk about whenever you see that person. That is also networking. Like I said, the church is not that big in Alberta, and if you plan on sticking within the province, you're likely to be affiliating with the same people (or their relatives) you were apart of YSA with. So why not get a head start? Get to know your fellow young single adults. Become acquainted with the people in your
ward. Because before you know it, you'll be serving in the
Young Men's or
Young Women's presidency with someone you sat next to at a random institute class.
 |
| An actual "To-Do" List of mine from back in 2008 |
Familiar with the old saying, "When I grow up…" or "When I'm older … ?" As hard as it is to believe, when you reach the age of 18 you are actually grown up, which means that now is as good a time as ever to get crackin' on what you said you wanted to do. I do realize that it's incredibly easy to make excuses at this point in the game, but trust me when I say that you'll thank yourself later for getting a head start on things. Have you always said you want to learn how to make homemade bread or change the oil in your car? Do it now. Don't have a mixer for the bread or a good way to get underneath your car? Ask someone who does to help you out. Heck, I'm sure they'll even help teach you and you'll end up having a great experience too. Sorry to go all cliche, but when there's a will, there is a way. Instead of making empty statements about things you'd like to do, go do it now. Because honestly, when you are more grown up or older, you'll have more responsibilities, and finding the time to learn or do new things won't be as easy.
Another interpretation of "doing things NOW" is to take advantage of this stage in your life where you don't have big responsibilities like a career, spouse, and/or kids. In all actuality, this is likely the only stage in your life where there will be few obstacles keeping you from checking things off your bucket list (the biggest one probably being finances). Have you always wanted to volunteer at an orphanage? Save up and do it now. Have you always wanted to try waitressing? Apply now or at least get your resume ready for next summer. You're likely only going to be young and single once, don't regret it by spending those days sitting on Facebook.
Have you ever felt lonely since commencing your days in the YSA? I'm happy for you if you say no, but I honestly don't believe you at all. There's something incredibly humbling and lonely at times after graduating high school and starting anew in the YSA scene. I don't care if you're the most popular person ever who has a ton of friends and is constantly dating someone, you're going to eventually feel lonely and it's going to eat at you or maybe even catch you off guard. How does one combat this feeling of loneliness? Well, from my experience, giving service is the best cure. After having lived in Edmonton and then Lethbridge in the course of two years, fate had me move to Calgary. And I hated it. Although I was living with two awesome girls that I had actually grown up with, I felt a crippling amount of loneliness. After an exceptionally lonely afternoon where I actually considered driving home and back in the space of time I had after getting off work and starting the next day, I figured I would go visit my Aunt and Uncle living in the city instead. I found them preparing to paint the fence in their backyard and I volunteered to help. Never in my life has giving service benefitted me so much more than the receiver. Having something to do and people to do it for helped clear the loneliness and self-pity from my mind. And I was hooked. I started baking cakes for friends' birthdays. I volunteered to help plan ward parties. I did my best to be a
Visiting Teacher. And best of all, I forgot that I had ever been lonely in the first place. I believe President Monson said it best when
he stated: "I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish - and in effect save their lives."
My biggest regrets from my time spent in YSA all relate to dating, specifically not demanding respect from the boys I liked. I cringe whenever I think back to the time I agreed to a particular guy's idea of a relationship, which was essentially nothing more than "friends with benefits." I promise you that no one walks away a winner in a relationship like that. There is no such thing as a noncommittal relationship where signs of affection are involved. Although you may tell yourself that holding hands or kissing don't really mean anything, they do. And although you may start a relationship with these noncommittal signs of affection, those signs are bound to stir the feelings they're designed to communicate in at least one of the people involved. And that is where feelings get hurt, and where self-respect is lost, and where potential opportunities for a healthy relationship or friendship are ruined. Do yourself a favour: demand that your signs of affection be confined to the people who are going to be respectful enough to call your relationship what it is, which is "dating," or "going steady," or whatever the kids these days are calling it.
In conclusion, I'd like to submit my own "confession" (but I guess it isn't really a confession because you know who's giving it, oh well).
Now go out and enjoy being young and single.
