Sentimental

I read a sappy Valentine's Day article last week that has had me thinking that I want to write something similar.  It was really simple - the site just asked people to contribute their own stories of when they knew they had fallen in love with their significant other.  It made me wonder if I could pinpoint an exact moment when I knew I loved Jon.  If I had to, this would be it:

Back in the Fall of 2011, Jon and I had started round two of dating.  I can't remember why, but we made a trip down to visit my family around Halloween and on the way back to Calgary I made Jon stop at this abandoned house not far off a highway we had to take.

While we were poking around and exploring I had a crazy idea pop into my head.  Before I knew it, I was saying something like, "Yeah, this place might work.  There is plenty of room for the kids and I like the big kitchen."  As we continued to explore I kept playing along that we were some old married  couple looking at houses to buy and that this was the one.

While in the dilapidated shed next to the house: "Yup, this will work great as your garage and workshop."

Jon seemed rather quiet during the whole charade, but I later found out that he was in heaven just fantasizing about the whole thing.  He didn't want to jinx things or freak me out by playing along too much.

Even though I was saying those things as a joke, something about it just felt right.  Heck, the fact that I could even joke about something like that was huge because for the longest time I had been hardcore anti-marriage.

Fast forward a short two months later and we were engaged.  There was no question as to where we wanted to take our engagement pictures.  So on a cold and windy day in January we drove back to "our house."

We still like to make the occasional stop at "our house" when making the Calgary/Raymond drive.  To be honest, I'm pretty sure it'll always be "our house."

Woe is Mother

It's okay if I have a little pity party on here right?  A couple weeks ago I blogged about how I'm a mom and such and how much I love it.  And I really, REALLY do.  But this past week I had a bit of an eye opening experience and it kind of got me down for a day or two.

I was down visiting my family for a week while Jon was at work.  He couldn't come down until Sunday night.  So every evening he had free while I had to wrestle a crazy 18 month old and coax a 3 month old to sleep.  Then on Friday he didn't have to work and he had the day all to himself and I was left wondering when I'd have an hour to myself.  And then on Saturday he went snowboarding and I tried to remember if I even had any hobbies.  Needless to say, on Saturday night I got jealous and mad and felt sorry for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for making the choice to become a mother and it's been one of the best choices I've ever made; my greatest joy is serving and caring for those incredible little people and my husband.  My biggest goal each day is to do my best in that regard, but it's lead me to sort of neglect this other side of myself, the side of me that is Kristen the person as opposed to Kristen the wife and mother.  So when do I get to take a break and be Kristen the person?  And I mean a literal, guilt free break.  I don't mean having a kid free couple of hours that I spend catching up on sleep because the baby was up five times last night or showering for longer than three minutes.  I do get some free time every night after the babies are in bed, but that time is a Kristen the wife and mother break, usually spent ironing out the budget, planning meals, jotting down a grocery list, writing in my and the girls' journals.  Another thing that frustrates me is that I have no idea what Kristen the person would even like to do if she got such a break.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm human.  I recognize that.  And I'm hoping some other smarter humans might give me some strategies on how to treat myself while still managing to be a good mother.  I hate feeling this way because I'm sure there's going to come a day when Kristen the person has much more time to herself and all she'll be able to think about is how much she misses being Kristen the mother.  So what's a Kristen to do?

x

EDIT:  I just have to throw in here that I have mad respect for single mothers.  You guys are super heroes and I feel minuscule after writing such a post.