14.2.18

A Fantastic Father Someday

One of the first things I remember knowing about Jon was the fact that he would one day be a great father. Obviously I knew a lot of more transparent things about him up to that point; he liked snowboarding, he was 1/2 Ecuadorian, he had just competed on an episode of Wipe Out Canada, etc. But the first time I caught a glimpse of the heart and soul of that handsome, mysterious dude, it was this: "He's going to be a fantastic dad someday."

We had just been flirting having a snowball fight outside his parent's house and had come back inside to get warm. We were sitting at a respectable distance from each other on the couch while watching an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. You know what it's like to do something with someone you have a big crush on? How you're 50% invested in the activity, but the other 50% is invested in just soaking in every little thing about them; how they react, the way they smile, the sound of their voice when they say something? I began to notice a trend as the show went on; the home videos that Jon laughed at were always of little kids. The show continued and we laughed and we flirted and then suddenly a video was shown, and I would give anything to remember what the video was of, besides it being of a funny little kid, when Jon let out what I would later come to know as his most genuine, unadulterated laugh. His head fell back against the couch, his eyes shut tight, his mouth opened in laughter, and his hands both clutched at his stomach. And then the voice in my head said it. "He's going to be a fantastic dad someday."

Now, if you really, truly knew me back then, you would remember that kids and marriage and a life of domesticity were definitely not on my radar. I was having fun! And kids actually terrified me, so I told dead baby jokes to disguise my fear. Why in the world would I have thought of that?

Fast forward six months. I got to attend the Canadian National Recreation Summit in Lake Louise as a student recorder. It was a big deal for a student in my field, it was a big deal for me! But my heart just wasn't in it. I longed to be back in Calgary hanging out with my boyfriend. And then one afternoon, Richard Louv spoke on his book "Last Child in the Woods," and on things like "Nature Deficit Disorder," and a fire was lit in my heart. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be a good one and I wanted to give my kids the kind of magical childhood that I had, outdoors. And then I remembered: "He's going to be a fantastic dad someday."

The rest is history, well, history and history in the making. He is such a fantastic dad. He is the better good cop and the better bad cop and I don't blame the kids for preferring to have him around. We live with my parents right now and while Jon is at school, they tell me almost daily how, "Jon is such a good dad." He plays harder and disciplines better and teaches more often and is more thoughtful and attentive than I could ever dream of being. And now that I have all this proof in front of me of the kind of father Jon is, I can't help but think back to that afternoon almost 7 years ago. It wasn't just a random thought, it was a witness and a prompting and one of the best directions I've been given in my life. "He's going to be a fantastic dad someday," is what the voice said, and what it didn't say, but meant is that, "No one is going to know this better than you."





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