Honesty versus Individuality

I've decided my favourite class for this semester is probably going to be “Introduction to Writing Fiction.” The whole semester is going to be spent writing a piece of fiction and then editing it until it is a finished product. The real cherry on the top though is the professor. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in a first class before. Here's a taste of his first impression:

• (as prof walks in to classroom, slightly late) You're all writing kids right? I can't stand those math kids. I hate math.

• Last year was a big year for me as a writer. I made $250.

• Once I got a cheque for $0.17 USD for my writing. I cashed it. YEAH!!!

Since he was so easily distracted by the world of publishing fiction, he was constantly telling us how absolutely horrible it is to try and get published. He spoke about sucking up to agents, attending conferences and dealing with the criticisms of your writing. A big reoccurring topic was the battle an author faces between keeping their original work (or their baby) as is and NOT being published or making the changes the publisher tells them to and then BEING published. I am certain I will always remember his final answer and opinion regarding this.

“MAKE THE CHANGES! If it's a matter of being published and not being published make the changes!! I don't care if I have to change my work or my precious baby. You probably all think I'm a sell out now, but I don't care, that's what I'd do, because I'd be getting published!!”

Of course the class laughed at his honesty, I laughed too. But more than just laughing, I felt such a sincere appreciation of his blatant honesty that it left me feeling all warm and tingly.

I realized then that my appreciation of honesty trumped my esteem for individuality. Throughout my life I've felt this overwhelming desire, almost like a need, to be different, to be a real individual that is as complex and unique as my own finger print. However, I've also always had a very high regard for honesty; honesty in my dealings with others and honesty with myself. Unfortunately, it oftentimes seemed that these two values didn't really correspond; that I couldn't really be true to one without neglecting the other. For example, when I'd admit something honestly to myself, it would become apparent that I'm not really all that unique, because everyone goes through that or thinks that! Or, when I'd go out of my way to be a real individual, I would be lying a little to myself, because that wouldn't be exactly who I am.

Fortunately, I now realize that honesty comes first. At least in my books. I appreciate it more. And ultimately, when I'm completely honest with myself and others I am still an individual. Perhaps that is what I was trying to say when I wrote “The Sociology of Chocolate Chip Cookies.” I just didn't realize it then.

I guess this applies in a big way to my blog.  I've always wanted my blog to be different.  I've wanted to talk about different things than everyone else.  I wanted people to perceive me as this super cool individual that had a life and ideas worth reading about because I was different.  However, if my readers are anything like me, I trust that they probably also appreciate honesty.  Perhaps they appreciate it just as much as I appreciated it from my professor, to the point of making me feel all warm and tingly with enjoyment.  

So, I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that I want to be more honest.  

I'm not talking about the kind of honesty that makes everyone else cringe with the overload of awkward information.  I'm talking about the honesty that admits that I'm a human.  Perhaps I've already started on this journey, when I decided to blog about my Depression. 

Anyways.  Stay posted for 100% all natural and honest Kristen.