Of Gophers and Girls

I took a really fun class this past semester.  It was called "Intro to Writing Fiction" and all we did was just that: we wrote fiction.  Just a short story, nothing too fancy.  Every class was spent critiquing each other's work and giving suggestions to improve our stories.  We ended up writing three drafts and getting to know everyone pretty good too.  It was a fun class.  So, without further ado, I have decided to share my short story.  I'll even add some pictures to make it more visually appealing.  Please enjoy.

Of Gophers and Girls

"So do you think they'll kiss?  You know, like on the mouth?"

"Dang rights.  Jason says Danielle really likes him.  Why else would she have invited him to go with her?" David replied mechanically as he continued to shoot the animated ducks flying across the television screen.

"Oh, right," Nate added sheepishly.  "My turn yet?"

"No, lemme keep going.  I'm on a wicked roll, I've shot like 800 ducks in a row!"

+

Although David's family had bought the brand new Nintendo Entertainment System almost a year ago, he continued to play it with the same zeal and vigour as the day it was purchased, just like any other 12 year old boy would.  This frustrated Nate since his parents refused to ever buy a Nintendo and his only opportunities to practice were the odd Friday afternoon he got permission to go over to David's.  Even though Nate was David's best friend, it didn't mean that David was especially good at sharing with him.  Thus, Nate's duck hunting skills were way below average, which is obviously some what embarrassing for an 11 year old boy.

+

Fortunately, tonight was a doubly rare opportunity.  Nate's parents had agreed to let him sleep over at David's while they were out of town for his younger sisters' dance competition.  They would be back sometime the next evening, which meant that Nate would be able to play "Duck Hunt" all night, or at least whenever David would finally give him a turn.  Until then, Nate kept himself occupied by asking questions about David's older brother Jason, who was at a youth etiquette dinner being hosted by the local church.

"Why'd Danielle ask Jason to that dinner?  Aren't guys supposed to do the askin'?" When it came to questions of girls and dating, Nate found himself completely lost.  As the oldest sibling to two younger sisters, Nate felt like he was missing out on many vital life lessons that only an older brother could impart.  Fortunately, Jason taught David, who then took it upon himself to pass information on to Nate.

"Yeah, duh, guys are supposed to.  But for some reason the girls had to this time, something about them planning the dinner so they had to ask.  So I guess that's the one time girls do it," David spoke without breaking his gaze from the television screen.

How can he talk and still not miss a single duck?!  As Nate sat patiently pouting, his thoughts turned to ways he could potentially distract David and cause him to miss and lose his turn.  However, before anything solid came to his mind, Nate's scheming was distracted by his curiosity as to why David had started to chuckle under his breath.  "What's so funny?"

With eyes still locked on the screen, David replied, "Did I tell you how Danielle asked Jason?  She had to do it in a weird way."

"No, how?"

"Well, she went all the way to the city and bought this big, ol' goldfish with a nice bowl and everything.  Then she put a sign on it that said something like, 'Of all the fish in the sea, I choose you to go to the dinner with me.'"

+

Instead of finding this funny and chuckling like David, Nate only found himself even more confused.  Before he could ask David why she had to invite Jason that way, David continued, "And then Jason had to answer her, of course, to say yes."  Before he could continue with his story, David's chuckling began to turn into a hiccupping laugh that interrupted him every other sentence.  "He took that fat goldfish and cooked it!! ...  He fried it in a pan 'til there was no gold left and put it on a plate!  ...  And then gave it to Danielle with a note that said ... that said, 'Consider it done, well done,'" By now David couldn't stop himself from laughing, and Nate couldn't stop himself from noticing that David was starting to get sloppy with his duck hunting, until - 

Yes!  Finally!

"Ahhh, man!  I missed!"  said David as he finally relinquished the coveted gun controller.  With one last chuckle, he concluded, "And she liked it.  She liked the cooked fish.  Jason said she had these little tears in her eyes from laughin' so hard.  She thought it was so funny."

Had he not been completely focussed on starting his turn, Nate may have been startled to hear that Danielle liked his reply.  Two months ago his youngest sister's pet fish died and she had cried when they flushed it down the toilet.  But Nate wasn't listening, let alone thinking about girls and fish now.  His turn had finally come and he wanted to play just as many games in a row as David did, or maybe even more.  Unfortunately, before he could even shoot five ducks Nate was startled by the loud noise made by the front door as it slammed shut.

"You missed!  It's my turn again!" David shouted with glee, clearly not phased by the slamming door or the fact that Nate hadn't even finished one round.  Before David could steal back the controller and start a new game, Jason was marching through the living room on his way down to his basement bedroom.  The game suddenly lost all of its appeal as the younger boys stared up at the returned hero.

What Jason lacked in maturity and intelligence, he made up for with his over abundant confidence and the fact that he had been shot.  Yes, shot.  Last summer Jason had made a sport out of "nickying" Old Man Tilleman's house until finally Tilleman had lost it and shot Jason in the butt with a pellet gun as he ran from the front porch for the last time.  As unglamorous as a pellet in the butt is, Jason instantly became a hero in the eyes of every boy in town, since the entire town knew what had happened before the pellet had even been extracted from his behind.  Even the girls in town began showing him more attention, as if he was a poor wounded soldier returned home from a war.  Instead of becoming the "butt of a joke," Jason become a type of role model to Nate and David and they looked up to his 14 year old wisdom as if it were the word of God.

+

As Jason turned to go down the stairs, David stopped him by shouting, "Hey!  D'you kiss her?"

Jason slowly stopped and turned around chuckling to himself, "You babies have so much to learn 'bout girls."

"Like what?" Nate's face turned pale as soon as he said it, even before David and Jason turned to stare at him.  He couldn't believe he had spoken to, let alone challenged, Jason like that. 

Fortunately, as soon as Jason realized what Nate was asking, he gained his composure and retorted, "Well, like how to make them even like you in the first place."

By now, David was both curious and interested too. “How d'you do that?”

“Well, you gotta, uhh, give them presents and stuff.” Had either Nate or David known better, they would have realized how much Jason had strained himself to answer that question as he shuffled back and forth. Fearing that his grasp on controlling the situation and appearing cool to the younger boys was slipping, Jason quickly spit out, “And if you babies would just lemme get back to my business, I could show you how tomorrow.”

“Really?” Both David and Nate chirped in surprise simultaneously.

“Yeah.” Before the younger boys could ask another question, Jason slinked down the stairs and out of sight.

“What d'you think he'll show us?” Nate hadn't expected to get such results with his impulsive question.

“I dunno,” David solemnly replied, keeping his talking to a minimum because he remembered how it had made him lose his turn last time. He too was taken aback by his brother's generous offer, but at the moment “Duck Hunt” trumped his thoughts.

For the first time that evening, a silence settled in on David and Nate. While David robotically shot the ducks, Nate sat back on the couch and began to daydream of the girl wanted to “make” like him tomorrow. He knew right off the top of his head that he wanted to win the heart of his cute next door neighbour, Stacy. Although he didn't know much about girls, Nate was convinced Stacy was perfect. Not only was she the prettiest girl in his class with her curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she was also by far the smartest person in their entire sixth grade class. He knew she had a pretty singing voice too because he had stood in front of her during their fifth grade Christmas concert. What he liked best about her though was how nice she was to his little sisters. Even though his sisters were annoying and seemed to get him into a lot of trouble, he was secretly grateful for them because they increased his opportunities of seeing Stacy. In fact, all last summer Stacy would come over to invite his sisters to come play at her house. Obviously Nate was never invited, girls didn't play with boys, and besides, he had chores to do. As much as he hated weeding the garden, it was his favourite chore because he could hear Stacy and his sisters playing in her backyard and occasionally peak through the fence to catch a glimpse of Stacy.

+

“Noooo! I made it so far! Did you see how many ducks there were?!” Nate jumped as David shouted, waking him from his daydream. Just as suddenly, Jason stomped back up the stairs, startling Nate yet again. He had changed into some dark and grubby clothes and had on a backpack that clinked with each step. It was obvious that he was on his way out again and up to something.

“Where're you going?” David said, interrogating his older brother.

“Don't worry 'bout it. I'll see you two tomorrow.” And with that Jason turned to leave and could be heard crossing the house until he slammed the front door.

* * *

After a long and boring morning spent waiting for Jason to wake up, the boys now found themselves standing in the middle of a field full of gopher holes on the outskirts of town. Neither one of them wanted to risk looking stupid in front of Jason by asking why they were there. Yet, neither one of them could put the pieces together and were more confused now about girls than they had ever been before. Since leaving the house, the afternoon had been a series of strange events, one right after the other. First Jason made them find a roll of thick string in the dusty and cluttered garage, and then right before leaving he told David to grab the two crumpled pink Easter baskets beside the old purring deep freeze. Next, Jason led them to a field two blocks from their house, but after seeing there were hardly any gopher holes they needed to go somewhere else. Now here they were, two hours later in the middle of a field outside the old and quiet, dead side of their little town.

+

Finally, David snapped. “Jason what're we doing?! You haven't said anything, if you're just playing a trick on us I'm gunna tell everyone what you made me swear not to! I'm getting tired ---”

“Shhhh!! I'm looking for gophers!!” Jason spat out in a sharp whisper.

“But what d'we need gophers for?” David asked in a whisper that matched Jason's.

Finally Jason broke out of his concentrated trance and began to explain what he figured was obvious. “We're gunna snare them you big baby!”

“But how does that have anything to do with girls!?” David exclaimed.

“Well, girls like little kittens right? And gophers are small like kittens. So obviously any girl would love to have a pet gopher. So we're gunna catch some gophers and then give them to your girls.”

+

Although Jason seemed to display firm logic in reasoning why any girl would love to have a pet gopher, Nate initially felt a bit unsure. He had heard his dad talking before about how gophers are vermin and should all be killed. But then he suddenly remembered how much his sisters had loved that stray cat they found in their backyard a couple months ago. In fact, even Stacy liked that cat when his sisters had brought it over to show her. After putting these pieces together, Nate was confident and excited to see the look on Stacy's face when he handed her her very own pet gopher.

David seemed convinced too and began to roll out two long sections of string which Jason then cut with his pocket knife. Neither David or Nate had snared gophers before so Jason had to tie their snares. As they watched his quick and skillful hands tie the snare, David noticed the thin red scratches covering Jason's hands and forearms.

“What'd you do to your hands?”

Just as he finished tying the second snare, Jason mumbled, “Don't worry about it,” and threw the carefully knotted string into David's face. “It was just a stupid chicken.”

Before David could continue questioning his older brother, Jason told the boys to shut up and gave them a quick snaring demonstration. It looked easy enough and after a couple practices the boys scanned the field looking for the most active holes. With so many holes to pick from, it didn't take long to pick out two that had just had a gopher scurry in. As quietly and quickly as possible, Nate and David trotted over to their holes, set up the snare and then laid on their stomachs a foot or two away from the hole. It was exciting for the boys to be catching gophers like this; however, after half an hour of sitting perfectly still in complete silence, they began to get bored. Fortunately, that half an hour of silence paid off. Shortly after the negative thoughts of giving up began to creep into their heads, David and Nate were both able to secure a gopher of their own.

+

“Jason, I think you're right! Besides their ugly teeth, I think any girl would love to have a little pet gopher!” David grinned as he took a close look at the terrified and whistling critter.

Jason then explained that the baskets were for the gophers to be tied into so they looked even more presentable. Once the gopher was all tied in and cute, the next step was Jason's signature hobby: placing their gopher gift on the front step of the girls house, ringing the door bell, and then running away.

“Lucky for you guys, Old Man Tilleman had his pellet gun taken away after shootin' me. And he doesn't even have any girls.” Jason added, matter of factly.

As the boys walked back in to town with their prize gophers, David quickly discovered that it was fun to give his gopher the occasional swing. Since the gophers were still cinched tight at the neck where the snare had caught them, it was a lot like walking a dog on a leash, except the gophers didn't lead and they kind of had to be dragged along. Whenever the gophers were given enough freedom, they would try to scurry away, only to be quickly pulled back to their place. By swinging the gopher, David realized that he no longer had to deal with it trying to run away, and besides, it looked really funny to see a little gopher swinging through the air on the end of a string. As the boys continued to laugh harder and louder at David's gopher as it sailed higher and higher through the air, in a brainless moment, David decided to swing his gopher in a complete 360, like the blades of a windmill.

“Careful!” Nate gasped, while Jason and David continued to roar with laughter. David sensed Nate's concern and, setting his gopher down, stooped down to check it.

“Crap! I think it's dead,” David stammered, “I didn't mean to kill it! We have to go back so I can get another one!”

Still laughing, Jason replied, “Heck no! I'm not goin' back there! That's way too boring and you take forever to catch them. Let's just do Nate's gopher today and do yours another day.”

“No! You made us wait forever this morning! And it's your fault my gopher is dead cause you made me swing it like that!” David growled and shouted at Jason, surprising Nate.

Rather than fighting back, Jason turned to begin walking home, which only made David more angry.

“I'm telling everyone! I don't even care! Either you come help me catch another gopher or I'm telling everyone that you wet the hotel bed that we had to share when we went to Disneyland!”

Before David had even finished revealing Jason's secret, Jason had turned around and was running at David with a look of burning anger in his eyes. In a matter of seconds, Jason had tackled David and was proceeding to punch and wrestle him on the ground. Nate didn't know what was scarier, seeing Jason lose control and proceed to beat David up or hearing David's shouts and screams for help. Nate had never seen anything like this before. Fighting with his siblings was strictly prohibited, in fact, Nate was pretty sure if he was ever caught hitting one of this sisters his dad would literally kill him. Looking down at his gopher and then back at David, Nate realized there was only one thing he could do to try and save his friend's life, because he was sure Jason was about to kill David.

+

“Stop! Jason stop! Jason!” Nate yelled as he scooted closer to the fighting brothers, eventually giving Jason a little shove to make him snap out of his rage.

Jason stopped and looked up with wild eyes, his hands frozen mid-hit just inches above David's arms shielding his head.

“David can have my gopher. We don't need to go back. I don't need one.”

As the words slowly settled into Jason's mind, he shifted off of David and got to his feet. After brushing himself off, Jason turned to go home, only getting a few steps away before turning back to yell with a fist held high, “Don't you DARE tell anyone else!” And with that, he walked away.

* * *

Crouching inconspicuously behind a large bushy hedge, David wrapped up the finishing touches on the gopher he was about to leave on the front step of the yellow bungalow a few houses down.

“Thanks Nate, I really owe you one,” David said, looking up and smiling at his friend.

“Whatever, I figured you needed a gopher more than me. And I didn't want you to die,” Nate replied. A few short moments later, David stood up to show Nate the very presentable and cute gopher in a pink Easter basket.

“Well, I guess this is it. Wait, how is she gunna know it's from me?”

Nate had never even thought of that, but in an effort to help his friend out, he spit out the first idea that came to his head. “She's probably not supposed to know at first. I think that way she can have a couple days to play with the gopher and name it and stuff. Then when she loves it and is happy someone gave it to her then you can tell her at school it was from you.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. Well, wish me luck.” And with that, David jogged over to the house of the girl he had a crush on while Nate waited behind.

Before a minute had even passed, David was sprinting back to the hedge for cover.

“How did it go?” Nate asked his friend.

David took a second to catch his breath and then replied, “Really good. But I don't know if anyone is even home. It didn't look like it.”

“Should we take a quick peak just to see if they got it?”

“Yeah, but just me. Just in case she sees me because I don't want her to think the gopher was from you.”

Carefully, David crawled around the corner of the hedge to peer back at the house he had just run from. His reaction was not what Nate expected. As quickly as he had peaked, David gasped and flung himself back behind the hedge with a look of pure mortification in his eyes. Rather than trying to ask David what was wrong, Nate crawled around him and peered around the hedge. He could not believe his eyes. Slowly yet surely, the gopher was scurrying across the front lawn towards the road with the pink basket in tow bouncing and dragging behind it. Not knowing what to do, Nate flung himself back behind the hedge. By this time David had gained a small amount of composure and squeaked out, “What d'we do?”

Even the though the street and neighbourhood were quiet and dead, Nate figured they were bound to get caught and punished for catching a gopher and nickying a house. Without even answering David's question, Nate jumped to his feet and began sprinting as far as possible from that rogue gopher that proved he had been up to know good. David jumped up just as quickly and caught up to Nate in a few strides.

A few minutes later, the boys found themselves three blocks away where they collapsed under a big shady oak tree. After several minutes spent catching their breath and taming their nerves, David said, “I knew it! I should have tied the gopher to both sides of the handle. That way it wouldn't have been able to get out and run away.”

All Nate could do was sigh in reply. By now, Nate had lost all interest in this getting girls to like him business and simply wanted to go home. He felt tired from staying up so late the night before, hungry since missing lunch, and embarrassed to admit he felt mad at David. David has ruined everything! He hardly let me play Duck Hunt, killed his stupid gopher, got in a fight with Jason and almost died, and then didn't even tie MY gopher in good enough for him to get his girl!

In order to keep David from seeing his anger, Nate stood up and said, “I'm gunna go home now.”

“Don't you wanna wait 'til your parents get home? What about your stuff at my place?”

“No. I know where a key is and I'll just have them drive me over to get it sometime tonight after they get home.”

“Oh, alright,” David replied obliviously. “I would walk home with you, but my house is in the opposite direction.”

“That's fine,” Nate said as he started to shuffle away from David in the direction of his house.

“Thanks again for the gopher.”

As Nate glumly walked down the sidewalk towards his house, he found kicking rocks to be a good way to deal with his disappointment. While consumed in his thoughts and kicking each rock harder than the one before, Nate failed to hear the steadily growing sound of someone walking up behind him.

“Oh! Nate, is that you?”

Nate glanced up and was surprised out of his skin to see Stacy walking beside him.

“Hey! What's the matter? You look pretty down about something,” Stacy said energetically.

“Oh, no, I'm okay -”

“I had a tough day today too,” Stacy interrupted. This was perfectly fine with Nate, since he would much rather do the listening. His tongue was suddenly tied. He found himself staring at her perfect poofy hair, wondering how she made her bangs stand up so high and the rest of it wave so tightly. As he felt himself slipping away into thinking of how pretty she was, Stacy said something that caught his attention and snapped him out.

“What?”

“There was a chicken in the library! I couldn't believe it either this morning, but when I showed up for my volunteer shift it was in there. It was awful too. The poor thing was so scared and had pooped and molted its feathers all over the library. Usually it's my job to sort books and read to kids, but today I had to help catch the chicken and then clean up the mess that it made. I can't think of anything worse than wiping up chicken poo and picking up feathers. I'm so glad I'm done. Who would do that to a poor chicken anyways? The librarian says that they must have shoved it in through the book drop off in the door. She was so mad she spent the entire day calling around to find someone to install a smaller drop off slot so that it can't happen again. She called it a travesty,” Stacy chattered on quickly, unaware of the sudden spark in Nate's eye, followed again by him slipping away into his own thoughts.

That's why he had scratches all over his hands!

“Are you listening to me?” Stacy stopped, facing Nate.

“Yes! Yes, of course. Sorry,” Nate said quickly, coming back from his thoughts and resuming his walk home beside Stacy.

+

“Oh, okay. Yeah, it makes me so sad when poor animals get picked on for fun and pranks. In fact, just a few days ago my cousin Danielle had to ask a boy to that church etiquette dinner. She asked him with a cute little goldfish, she just gave it to him. And then, to answer her for the dance, he killed it!! He fried it up and then gave it back to her with some dumb saying that was supposed to mean yes. Danielle was so sad, she cried and cried, but my aunt still made her take that boy to the dinner, because she had to have good manners. I hope that never happens to me. I would hate a boy forever if he hurt an animal to be funny or get my attention.”

Nate found himself slipping even further into his thoughts this third time after listening to what Stacy had to say. He simply couldn't believe his ears, or his good luck for that matter. He had almost just given her a gopher and ruined everything!

Stacy didn't seem to mind Nate's silence this time and appeared to be lost in her own thoughts as well. When Nate looked up from his shoes he couldn't believe they were already standing outside Stacy's house.

“It was nice to walk home with you Nate. Bye!” And just like that their walk home together was over.

Nate couldn't help but watch Stacy walk away for just a second or two before taking the last few steps to his own house. Finally, he started towards home but was stopped by someone calling his name.

“Nate. Nathan!” Stacy's mom was standing on the front steps with the door wide open behind her. “Nate, do you want to come over for dinner tonight? We're having a barbeque in the backyard.”

After quickly grasping what this meant for him, Nate glanced at Stacy first before answering. She had stopped in her front yard and was looking back at him with a big smile on her face.

“Yeah. Thanks!” Nate replied with an equally big smile on his face as he started to walk towards Stacy.

“I'm glad you said yes,” Stacy whispered once Nate got close enough, “I was going to ask you, but I got too scared. I'm glad my mom did instead.”