The most evil person to have ever lived is the fool who pitched the idea of "Keeping up with the Joneses."
And that about sums up this blog post. Thank you for reading.
Just kidding. I wish it was that easy to get my point across. However, I realize that I need to qualify and expound on my thoughts when I make such a rash and bold statement. So please allow me to do so.
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Last week I got in trouble. And I got in trouble the week before that too. And it was all because of those dang "Joneses." And it was because I wasn't keeping up with them.
Perhaps you're not familiar with who the "Joneses" are. So allow me to introduce them to you.
Mr. Jones is a powerful and wealthy man with a lucrative and prestigious job. Titles, credentials, and belongings are important to him. If you want him to give you the time of day, you need to own a car that is almost as fast and expensive as his; a house that is almost as big as his; and a TV that is almost as wide as his. Because his possessions are all the best. And no matter how hard you try to own something as awesome as him, you never will. And don't even get me started about comparing your education or career to his. Let's just say, you will never be as smart or rich as Mr. Jones. Never. But he encourages you to try. Because it's fun for him to watch.
Mrs. Jones is the epitome of a resourceful, creative, and well-rounded woman. She is the master of everything a woman is just expected to be good at. Her cooking is divine, not to mention that most of her recipes are invented herself. Her home decorating looks like something out of a magazine. She has taught herself how to play six instruments and can sing like an angel. She was doing yoga and pilates before they were even cool. In her spare time she enjoys inventing the next greatest DIY crafting trend, tinkering with photography, writing poetry, and gardening. Not to mention that she blogs about all of these hobbies so that other ladies can spend hours at a time ooo-ing and ahh-ing and dreaming about being like her. Let's just say, you will never be as resourceful, creative, and well-rounded as Mrs. Jones. Never. But she encourages you to try. Because it's fun for her to watch.
Son Jones is a pop culture megamind. He's read all the coolest books, seen all of the best movies, and listens to all the hippest bands. He had Instagram on his iPhone before it was even cool, in fact, he made it cool. He knows about up and coming movies before the trailer is even released. Son Jones knows where it's at. If you want to be considered hip or cool, you need to be reading the same books, watching the same movies, and listening to the same music as him. The truth is though, you will never be as hip and cool as Son Jones. Never. But he encourages you to try. Because it's fun for him to watch.
Daughter Jones is the most beautiful girl in the whole entire world. Her hair is long and full of volume. Her legs are thin and toned. Her stomach is flat. Her eyes are big. Her lips are full. Her make up is perfect. Her clothes, shoes, and jewelry could make any girl green with envy. She looks exactly like she walked out of a picture from a magazine. Everyday. At any time of the day. She embodies every physical trait a girl could possibly long for. And you've guessed it; you will never be as beautiful as Daughter Jones. Never. But she encourages you to try. Because it's fun for her to watch.
I know I need to love my neighbours and show charity and be kind and so on, but these Joneses are really getting on my nerves and I don't know how much more of them I can take. I like to think I'm a pretty genuine person. I mind my own business. But the Joneses don't seem to like keeping to theirs. What the Joneses love most is to make everything a very public affair, especially if it means drawing attention to someone who is "different" from them. In fact, it really annoys them if someone isn't trying to be just like them. And their arsenal of tactics to turn someone back to "keeping up with" them include humiliating, demeaning, mocking, pointing fingers, and just plain putting down. Because that's what unique individuals deserve right? Who has the right to be different anyways?
"You drive that rust bucket? It's amazing it hasn't spontaneously combusted by now! Har har har!"
"In my opinion, in order to be a good homemaker, a woman MUST be able to grow her own fresh herbs and sew her own drapes. You can't? Oh... what a pity."
"You haven't read the Hunger Games? And you didn't like the movie? Ha. Let me guess, you'd rather read Doctor Suess and go watch The Lorax! HA!"
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. But I guess you don't really know what that feels like right?"
I like to think I have tough skin, but these Joneses kind of get to me. Why in the world do they expect me to keep up with them anyways? I don't even like wide screen TV's or fast cars. I really have no interest in inventing crafty headbands and making five course gourmet meals. I could care less about the next big movie coming out or the newest single released by someone I don't even listen to. I'll admit that Daughter Jones can get the best of me sometimes, but I'm starting to feel like I'm over all that she stands for. And it feels great.
So what's the bottom-line here Kristen? Well, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm through with these Joneses. I've never been completely enthralled with them, but after having my wrist slapped a couple times by their supporters for not following the mob and sharing the popular opinion I can only feel more excited and more happy with the fact that I am unique. I am an individual. I don't have to like the same things as "everyone" else. So there Joneses. Take that. Consider this a figurative toilet-papering of your house.
On a more mature note, perhaps I could have simply quoted Albert Einstein and that would have been enough to portray the entire sentiment of this post. I guess I can always just close with that quote right?
"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." -- Albert Einstein
Adieu.