I hear a lot of complaints these days. They come from girls. And they're about boys.
I never get asked out on dates!
All the guys I know are either weirdos or whores! (excuse my language...)
Guys only want to hang out!
I'm never going to get married!
No guys have their head on straight, they just want to play and have fun!
Guys only want action!
I could never trust a guy, they're all cheaters, liars, and addicted to pornography!
Well, here and now, I want to propose something controversial. I want to throw the ball into the other court. I want to turn the blame. I want to suggest the alternative. And then I want to plea that you follow my advice. Yes, I'm talking to young, single females. I'm talking to the Kristen Gibb from a year or so ago. And I'm talking to anyone who will read, even if you're a dude. And I offer a disclaimer; I'm LDS and my perspective is most definitely biased towards my religion. I am also a girl, so any guy perspectives given are bound to be inaccurate, simply because I'm guessing how the male brain works. Now allow me to talk you through my mind in a question and answer style...
Q: Have things always been this way?
A: When I say things, I mean the current trends and situations in today's dating scene. And I answer that with a loud and resounding NO! And reply with another question: Has society always accepted women being as forward as they are today? Because that is another NO! Go ask your mom, go ask your grandma, "Did you ask boys on dates when you were my age?", "Did you call boys and ask them to come hang out with you?", "Did you ever pull the first move on a guy?" I'm pretty sure they'll say, wait for it, NO! Don't get me wrong, I'm all about Women's Rights, it's great that women are moving ahead in the workforce, that they can vote, and most of all, that we can wear pants. I'm pretty sure I would hate going on a jog in a dress or skirt. But as girls exercise their increased freedom in the dating scene, they're trampling, squishing, murdering, and massacring that special responsibility reserved for guys. And as sociology has proven, guys don't like to being belittled or having their toes stepped on. So they simply withdraw. Why ask girls on dates, they're doing it. Why ask girls on dates, they'll just call me to hang out. Why put myself out there and hold a girls hand, they'll do it eventually. Solution? Go watch a movie (or read a book!) like Pride & Prejudice, Little Women, or any old-fashioned story that is overflowing with chivalry and where men and women are filling their roles in dating situations the way they were supposed to be filled. Then apply that to your life. I'm not saying to avoid guys, I'm saying to avoid their responsibilities.
Q: Whose fault is it?
A: If you compare the transcripts from the Relief Society Broadcast and the Priesthood Session from General Conference, you'll notice that the women of the Church get a loving pat on the back and the men get a stern lecture every six months. Don't let this build your ego up too much ladies. Here's where I pour a strong dose of controversy into my blog. I believe girls today are just as much at fault, if not more, than guys are when it comes to the lack of marriages and the disintegration of proper dating relationships. There. I said it. Here's why. I mentioned above that girls have changed the face and shape of dating by becoming fearfully forward fanatics when it comes to relationships. But this is not the entirety of the problem. It goes much more deep than this. Allow me to explain. Girls, admit it, we're born with this uncontrollable and insufferable desire to be wanted, to be needed, to be loved. Our families give it to us while we're young. But then we move out. And we begin to want that same acceptance and security and comfort we saw in our parent's marriage. So we get right to work. We do everything in our power to be found attractive or acceptable to the opposite sex. Even if that means completely destroying that person our parent's worked so very hard to raise. What I mean is this: Girls forget to want, need, and love who they are in order to find that from someone else, from a guy. Why are guys attracted to abnormally and unhealthily skinny girls these days? Because girls are willing to subject themselves to the physical abuse necessary to lose the weight in order to gain a very, very superficial want, need, and "love". Why do guys love it when girls wear hardly anything and why do guys develop addictions to pornography? Because girls are willing to reveal themselves in order to feel wanted, needed, and loved. Why do guys want to kiss and make out without the commitment of a dating relationship? Because girls are willing to ignore the voice in their head saying, "This is wrong," in order to feel that want, need, and love communicated through affection, even if it isn't really there. Why do guys refuse to clean up their act, grow up, and tie the knot? Because girls are willing to be strung along in fruitless relationships since they're convinced no one will ever want, need, and love them outside of their relationship that is clearly want-less, need-less, and love-less, but they refuse to admit and see that too. Why do guys not respect girls? Because girls do not respect themselves. Fortunately, things do NOT have to continue being this way. There is a way to fix this.
Q: What is the alternative?
A: In three words, the answer would simply be, "Girls, RESPECT YOURSELF." But that is ALOT easier said than done. What does it mean to respect yourself? It means to want, need, and love yourself. The best way I can describe this is by appealing to that inner sense of caring and compassion girls are also born with. Girls want to be mothers. They grow up playing house. They fight over who gets to hold the baby in the room. They care for dolls. They babysit. And all the while they do everything they can to provide the best care possible for that special little spirit or doll they are entrusted with. Respecting yourself is letting yourself fill both roles. Realizing that you are the special little spirit or doll as well as the caregiver. And you deserve and need the same attention and tender loving care you so freely give to everyone else. Respecting yourself means feeding yourself healthy meals three times a day and limiting the junk food you consume, the same way your mother did while you were growing up. Respecting yourself means having the self-discipline to set the rules and guidelines your parents did while you were growing up, and enforcing them on yourself. This could mean having a curfew, having expectations from yourself regarding school, cleaning up after yourself, etc. This also means exercising the self-restraint your parents might have imposed on you in regards to friends while growing up. It's great to hang out with friends, but how much homework do you do, how much scripture study takes place, how much practicing of precious talents and hobbies happens, and how much pondering and meditation occurs when you are constantly surrounded by friends? Alone time is good, it's vital to respecting yourself. You need to have that time of quiet contemplation in order to truly meet and get to know the important person you are. Self respect also means exercising the self-restraint your parents might have imposed on you in regards to the opposite sex while growing up. I don't know about you, but I wasn't allowed to call boys while I lived at home. I wasn't allowed to have boys in my bedroom. I wasn't allowed to stay out all night with a boy. I wasn't allowed to have boy-girl sleepovers. I'll admit I am however guilty of breaking most, if not all, of these old rules since being on my own. And I can guarantee I have sorely regretted doing so most of the time. Respecting yourself is about doing constructive, rather than destructive things. Respecting yourself does not include starving, bingeing, revealing, rule breaking, time wasting, school failing, priority shaking, or boy grovelling. Respecting yourself means being your own mother, and a dang good one at that. And it is absolutely VITAL if you entertain hopes and dreams of marrying a man that will want, need, and love you with the respect you deserve. If you do not respect yourself, it is going to be very difficult to find someone who respects you. Respect works best if both parties are involved.
Now I offer a plea. Girls, please, please, learn to accept who you are and then do everything in your power to love and respect that person. If this means withdrawing yourself from the social scene for a little bit to figure things out, do it. If this means breaking up from a toxic relationship, do it. If this means writing in your journal, studying your scriptures, or asking people who love and respect you for advice, do it. If this means hanging out with only girls for the next six months until the guys in your life realize that you aren't going to do their job anymore, do it. Let's start a revolution. Let's change the dating scene. Let's go back to the basics. Let's allow the roles of dating to take their proper places, where guys do the initiating. We'll still have power, and autonomy, and a say in dating relationships if we give up this responsibility. I'm not proposing we give up our confidence, I'm begging us to claim it. I'm not suggesting we become submissive and silent slaves, I'm pleading that we become strong and sharp self-respecting spirits. I'm not stating that this is the only way to solve this problem, I'm just offering my perspective and solution. Let's stop complaining and start doing something.
