Happiness or Happiness

I was texting a friend of mine yesterday.

She was telling me about her problems with a certain guy.

I had talked with her before about him and my opinions still hadn't changed.  He's using her.

After explaining my thoughts in the clearest terms possible ("MOVE ON!!") she replied with something that really struck me:

"But he is so muscelly and so good looking and such a good kisser. :)"

And then it hit me.

So I replied saying:

"Shoot, you're right.  In that case, sacrifice being happy to chase after good looking muscles and kissing."

What was it that hit me?

A question.

This question.

How often do we sacrifice our happiness, all in the name of happiness?

Let me explain.  I'll start with the example of my friend I just mentioned.

Happiness in her situation is the two or three hours a week she sees this guy, the one or two scattered texts he casually shoots her, and the extremely selfish kisses he gives her (let's face it, they aren't emblems of affection, they're a means of him 'getting some').  It's the muscles, good looks, and kissing.  And that's not all.  Happiness in this situation also includes the days she has to go without him even talking to her.  It includes the specific situations around certain people where he'll choose to act like he doesn't know her.  It includes the unanswered texts, the turned down plans, and the pictures on Facebook of him hanging out with other girls.  It's the knowledge she has deep down, but doesn't want to accept, that he is using her.  It's the diminished self-confidence.  It's the formation of misconceptions regarding what relationships really are.  It's the slippery slope that promises to leaves anyone absolutely degraded.  And this is the Happiness she is seeking and gets when she chooses to sacrifice her Happiness.

What exactly is the Happiness she is sacrificing to obtain the Happiness I mentioned above?  Well, it's the slightly empty feeling of not having anyone she's attracted to or interested in.  It's one fewer person to text.  It's going to a party without a person to look forward to seeing.  It's the absence of that giddy feeling she gets when plans are made to hang out with "muscles, good looks, and kissing".  Happiness in this situation also includes the lack of drama and the reduction of those terrible mood swings that range from being ecstatic to absolutely rejected several times a day.  It's the weekends she spends hanging out with her family or girlfriends.  It's the progression of a hobby because there isn't that boy to distract her.  It's the steady accumulation of self-confidence.  It's the time to spend looking at and getting to know other boys that will undoubtedly treat her with more respect.  It's the genuine formation of her own self-respect, because she will have the opportunity to see how she deserves to, nay, must be treated by a guy.  It's the foundation of a skill that, if learned, will lead her to a successful life, the skill of learning to love oneself.  And this is the Happiness she is sacrificing for "muscles, good looks, and kissing."

I've done it before.  Heck, I've done it a few times.  I've made this exact sacrifice, the sacrifice of my happiness for happiness, and I know how tough it is to distinguish the difference between the two.  It takes practice to distinguish the difference between the two.  And this sort of dichotomy of happiness exists in every aspect of life, not just with relationships.  For example...

Sacrificing the happiness of slowly and surely developing the lifestyle and self-mastery that will promote the steady loss of weight for the happiness of starving yourself or going on a fad diet to shed pounds rapidly, then upon going off it, having the weight quickly reappear.

Sacrificing the happiness of having a modest sum of money saved and very few toys for the happiness of luxuries and the gut wrenching avoidance of looking at your bank account or opening bills.

Sacrificing the happiness of your self-respect gained through dressing modestly for the happiness of turning heads and receiving the attention of men who have intentions far from respectful.

I could go on and on.  

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do call our pursuits towards misery happiness?  Why do we convince ourselves to sacrifice our true happiness?  Why, why, why?!

I'm convinced that the ability to distinguish between happiness and happiness is one of the most important lessons a person could learn on this earth. 

Are you unhappy?  Then I suggest stepping back and examining whether the priorities and path of your life are leading you to happiness or happiness.