What Mrs. Dashwood Said

I have quirks.  

Who doesn't?

I have come to accept and embrace many of these quirks.

One such quirk is my need to title and dedicate any new journal, notebook, binder, or scribbler I start.  It keeps me organized, okay?  Haha, I never said I wasn't a nerd.

One of my favorite dedicated binders has been named 'Profoundities', which is a clever combination of the words profound and profanities.  This binder is dedicated to the recording and preserving of quotes I have deemed "so deep they're bad".  Whenever I read, my little 'Profoundities' binder can be found close at hand, just in case I need to stop and write down a quote I really like (which I guess is another quirk, the compulsive need to document quotes).

Currently, I'm reading the book Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.  I love a good book by Miss Austen, but rarely do her words make it into the 'Profoundities' binder.  That is, until I read what Mrs. Dashwood said...

"KNOW YOUR OWN HAPPINESS."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happiness.  

The root of all pursuits.  

The light at the end of the tunnel.  

The why.

I can't think of anything more personal and private than a person's happiness.  Unfortunately, like all things that are sacred, pop culture, society, media, and so on, have taken happiness hostage and given it an image.

Happiness is being a size 0.

Happiness is owning a new car, house, clothes, etc.

Happiness is having the sun shining.

Happiness is spending an evening drinking until you're plastered.

Happiness is staying up super late.

Happiness is having a prestigious job.

Happiness is spending a great deal of money.

Happiness is having a significant other.

Happiness is being immorally intimate with that significant other.

Happiness is travelling to a tropical country.

Happiness is no longer yours to decide.

Don't get me wrong, some of these things I listed could very well offer you a legitimate happiness, but did you decide and feel that it made you happy, or did seeing other people enjoying it make you think you should be happy?  Do you know your own happiness?

I'm pretty sure I was happy at this exact moment.

YOUR OWN.  Those two words are quite possibly what made this quote hit me like it did.  Happiness is just as much a process of self-discovery as it is pursuing and doing the things that make you happy.  No wonder society has chosen to accept a spectrum of norms in regards to happiness, it's so much easier for someone to tell you who you are and what you like than to go and figure it out for yourself.  Could this state and trend of 'pseudo-happiness' be the culprit behind so many destroyed marriages, cases of depression, suicides and so on?

Throughout my life, there have been times when I have ultimately equated my entire state of happiness to exist within something usually quite out of my control.  I would utterly convince myself that I'd be living in a state of bliss when this happened or when so-and-so held my hand, etc.  Yet, as soon as that would occur, I would be silently devastated and cluelessly confused as to why I wasn't an entirely new, happier person.  Thankfully, I think I can say I have learned my lesson.  Today I know that my own happiness is NOT controlled by any of these factors, and I'm confident enough to say I'm pretty sure yours isn't either...

1.  A Person

Guilty as charged.  I've done it.  Who hasn't thought they'd be just that much more happy if only That One Guy In Particular would come and sweep them off their feet.  Perhaps there isn't anyone in particular.  Perhaps you're just waiting for The One to come and save you.  Or maybe you're not interested in love, you just want the Cool Group to start inviting you out.  It doesn't matter what you're looking for, if you start associating your happiness with a person or group of people you could very well be asking to be let down.  Just like yourself, these people have freedom of choice and you can't control their actions to bring you happiness.  A person's actions towards you are completely uncontrollable, so don't bank all your happiness in something that is not your own.  However, finding happiness in the actions you do towards someone is quite plausible.  How do you feel after giving a compliment, extending service, or reaching out to a stranger?  You have no control over a person, so do not associate your happiness with which you have no control.

2. A Future Self

Think of every advertisement ever associated with a weight loss solution or campaign.  Guaranteed there is some sort of reference to your happiness once you've shed all those unwanted pounds.  And the weight loss industry isn't the only one bribing you with happiness as the main factor for buying in either.  So often we human beings associate our happiness with who we will be if we could only weigh 10 lbs less, have a nose that looks a little different, be able to sing a little better, and so on.  What we forget to remember is that we will still be the exact same person we are right now and there will always be something that needs a little fixing, even after losing the weight, fixing the nose, or developing the talent.  Instead of waiting to be happy, why not accept yourself now and decide to be happy.  Besides, who or what is telling you that you should be unhappy with those things about yourself anyways?  Know and accept your own happiness.

3. A Time

I really don't like winter.  Like really don't like winter.   I struggle through it each year telling myself that I will finally be happy as soon as summer rolls around.  And because I have this attitude, I'm realizing that I live each winter in a state of hibernation, waiting for summer to roll around.  What does this mean? It means I have some how tricked myself into thinking I can't be happy for 2/3's of the year.  How silly is that?!  I have absolutely no control of time or the seasons of the year.  Winter is going to happen.  It is going to snow.  I believe Margaret Lee Runbeck says it best with, "Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling."  I can choose to only be happy at my perfect destination of summer during the year, or to accept and love each day, no matter what the weather.  No one controls the hands of time, so learn to love life all the time.

4.  A Place

I am extraordinarily guilty of this one as well.  I consider myself a country girl.  I am truly happy on the great expanse of the Southern Alberta prairies and in the shadows of the Rocky Mountains.  I love wide open spaces.  However, for 2/3's of the year, I need to live in the city in order to pursue an education.  Oh how my mind plays tricks on me by telling myself I can't be happy in the city.  Oftentimes you simply have no control over the location you need to live in at a certain time in your life.  This doesn't mean you have to put your happiness on hold because you aren't living in the place that makes you the happiest.  Your own happiness should be something that you take and enjoy wherever you are, not something you have to go running back to as soon as school lets out in the spring.

5. An Event

This one might shock you, but you will not be a happier person after you graduate from High School or University.  You will not be a happier person after you get married.  You will not be a happier person after you have kids.  You will not be a happier person after all your kids are in school or moved out.  You will not be a happier person after you are retired.  You will not be a happier person after... and the list goes on and on and on.  Life is a long line of milestone events.  Most everyone is lucky enough to experience each one.  Unfortunately, we often get so caught up in waiting for the next event that we forget to enjoy and embrace the time between these milestones.  Life is that thing that is happening right here, right now.  It's not going to be any better once you no longer have to write essays, no longer have to date boys, or no longer have to change diapers.  In fact, you'll probably be longing for one of those stages you let slip by later in life when you realize how good it was.  Don't associate your happiness with something that will eventually happen just because you're impatient.  It's going to happen.  I'm sure it will be great.  But oh how you'll regret not enjoying what was going on that lead up to that point.

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand and agree that many, if not all, of the things I listed above can contribute to one's happiness.  What I firmly think however, is that if you make yourself believe your happiness depends upon one of these factors, you'll only be setting yourself up for unhappiness.  Ultimately, happiness is a decision.  Sometimes it's a lot easier to decide to be happy and sometimes it's a struggle.  By knowing your own happiness, you'll be a lot freer and find it easier to be happy.

Happiness is a function of accepting what is.  -- Werner Erhard