When I was a little girl, my Mom told my sisters and I something that I never forgot. We were all sitting in the car, probably on our way to go buy groceries. I don't know what lead her to say this, but before we had even got two minutes away from our house she said:
"Do not live your life waiting to get married."
I don't remember her justification for making such a statement, and I'm pretty sure this conversation ended without any qualifying remarks. It was essentially a spur of the moment spouting of motherly wisdom and advice. And unlike most other pieces of advice given to me by my mother, I took it to heart. Really took it to heart. Probably too much. To the point where I never even entertained dreams of getting married. To the point where I swore oaths that I would never get married until after I had a PhD and was at least 30. To the point where I told prospective boyfriends to get away if the thought of marrying me even crossed their mind. And although I probably could have been diagnosed with some sort of disorder for this strange behaviour, I wouldn't change my case of anuptaphobia for the world. Why? Because never did I once waste a second of my young adult years waiting.
What is waiting? Dictionary.com says it is "to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens." Don't get me wrong, I don't think that waiting for marriage means literally sitting in an apartment, growing mould and collecting dust until a knight in shining armour comes to the rescue. I do believe that waiting for marriage means neglecting to truly soak in and cherish those precious years of growth and self-mastery that come during single adulthood. Instead of meeting all sorts of new people, trying all sorts of new things, and developing all sorts of new skills, waiting carries you captive to a dungeon of self-pity, which has a tiny barred window looking out onto that "greener grass." Waiting steals some of the best years of your life.
On Friday I'll be graduating from these best years of my life; moving on to more best years filled with all sorts of new adventures with my best friend Jon. And I have no regrets. There is nothing more I could have wished to achieve as a single Kristen. I travelled, I tried a great variety of different jobs, I studied a couple different things in school, I dated a bunch of different guys, I learned all sorts of new skills, and I did anything but wait for Jon to come along. In fact, he really took me by surprise. Because I didn't fritter away waiting, I was able to grow into a whole and complete person, someone worthy of marrying another whole and complete person. I don't believe in that "other half" mumbo-jumbo. What I do believe in is two whole and complete people coming together and being much more. Like synergy. Which is what I've got to look forward to. And I'm excited. And I didn't wait.
Nothing breaks my heart more than to hear a girl say something like, "If I'm not married by the time I turn 22, I'll DIE!" I don't know where they get this sort of mentality from; it needs to change. Yes, getting married is important and exciting, but so is life. And life doesn't suddenly start when you get married. It keeps going on. You don't suddenly become a new and more exciting person once you add the title Mrs. You're that same person you grew into during your single adult years. And if you didn't grow into much of a person because you were waiting, you still won't be once you're married.
Perhaps I'm still too young to write such a post. Perhaps I don't fully know what it would have been like had I kept my oath of not marrying until I was 30. If that's the case, then I'm sorry. I never meant to offend or poke fun or even dig up emotions. If anything, I wanted to open the eyes of the girls who are needlessly waiting, the ones who don't know themselves yet, and the ones that simply want marriage because they don't know what else to want. I have two words for you: stop waiting.
Anyways, single adulthood, I bid you adieu. I had fun not waiting.
What is waiting? Dictionary.com says it is "to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens." Don't get me wrong, I don't think that waiting for marriage means literally sitting in an apartment, growing mould and collecting dust until a knight in shining armour comes to the rescue. I do believe that waiting for marriage means neglecting to truly soak in and cherish those precious years of growth and self-mastery that come during single adulthood. Instead of meeting all sorts of new people, trying all sorts of new things, and developing all sorts of new skills, waiting carries you captive to a dungeon of self-pity, which has a tiny barred window looking out onto that "greener grass." Waiting steals some of the best years of your life.
On Friday I'll be graduating from these best years of my life; moving on to more best years filled with all sorts of new adventures with my best friend Jon. And I have no regrets. There is nothing more I could have wished to achieve as a single Kristen. I travelled, I tried a great variety of different jobs, I studied a couple different things in school, I dated a bunch of different guys, I learned all sorts of new skills, and I did anything but wait for Jon to come along. In fact, he really took me by surprise. Because I didn't fritter away waiting, I was able to grow into a whole and complete person, someone worthy of marrying another whole and complete person. I don't believe in that "other half" mumbo-jumbo. What I do believe in is two whole and complete people coming together and being much more. Like synergy. Which is what I've got to look forward to. And I'm excited. And I didn't wait.
Nothing breaks my heart more than to hear a girl say something like, "If I'm not married by the time I turn 22, I'll DIE!" I don't know where they get this sort of mentality from; it needs to change. Yes, getting married is important and exciting, but so is life. And life doesn't suddenly start when you get married. It keeps going on. You don't suddenly become a new and more exciting person once you add the title Mrs. You're that same person you grew into during your single adult years. And if you didn't grow into much of a person because you were waiting, you still won't be once you're married.
Perhaps I'm still too young to write such a post. Perhaps I don't fully know what it would have been like had I kept my oath of not marrying until I was 30. If that's the case, then I'm sorry. I never meant to offend or poke fun or even dig up emotions. If anything, I wanted to open the eyes of the girls who are needlessly waiting, the ones who don't know themselves yet, and the ones that simply want marriage because they don't know what else to want. I have two words for you: stop waiting.
Anyways, single adulthood, I bid you adieu. I had fun not waiting.
you are so wise!! so excited for you this weekend!! congrats again!
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