I'll Be Brave

I believe it's fair to say that my life has changed quite a bit during the past three months.

On May 4th, I got married.

Then on May 7th, my husband Juan and I flew to Ecuador for a two month honeymoon.

During our two week stint on the Galapagos Islands something happened.  I changed.  No you weirdos, I didn't get pregnant.  I got sad.  Down right melancholy.  At first I thought I was homesick, so I let my head fill it self with thoughts of back home and all that I was missing there.  For example,

THE COUNTRY

MY OLD JOB

WATERTON

MY FAMILY

Pretty soon the list was a million miles long.  And then I concluded another thing was making me so upset.  I was no longer free.  My freedom was gone.  Or at least I thought it was.  So I pouted about that for a few days too.  

As this terrible mood began to take over, I literally turned into a fun-sucking honeymoon-ruiner.  My mind was so full of unhappy, pessimistic thoughts that I began to even question myself getting married in the first place.  Because it was marriage that was making me so unhappy, right?

I feel awful admitting this, but after our stay on the Galapagos, things only managed to get worse.  I continued to be a fun-sucking, party-pooping, mood-killing wife.  I feel comfortable in calling the person I was back then nothing short than a female version of Satan.  It soon became clear that going home early was a necessity for both of our sanity, well-being, and sadly enough, even our young little marriage.

Fortunately for me, I have a good mother.  The first thing she made me do when I came home was see a doctor.  I told him my story.  Then he chuckled and told me I have Depression.  Well that sounds like fun.  How do I get rid of it?

I wish I could say that things got better immediately after seeing that doctor and getting that diagnosis.  But I'll be brave and admit that it didn't.  Things went down before they came back up.  And I'll be brave enough to admit that.

I'll be brave.

I've changed the look of my blog.  A little.  Quite a bit.  Okay, maybe a lot.  Since beginning this journey of marriage, and then depression, I've realized that nearly everyone goes through really tough stuff.  Except we never seem to talk about those things.  Maybe it's against social norms.  Or maybe it's because we're embarrassed.  Or maybe it's simply because we're too scared to openly speak about that side of our life.

Since going through this challenge, I've been absolutely amazed to find out about how many people have gone through a trial quite similar to mine.  Things like having a tough honeymoon or rocky start to a marriage seem to be unthinkable or even outlandish.  Probably because it's supposed to be magical right?  It is the "honeymoon phase", is it not?  

Hearing stories similar to mine has helped a lot.  I'm not alone in my battle with depression, and Juan and I are not alone in our fight to make marriage magical.  Why then, have all these stories been kept secret?!  

I've decided to start a revolution.  I'm not going to keep my story quiet.  I'm not going to keep a blog that leads everyone on to believe that my life is full of perfect outfits, amazing hairstyles, delicious home-cooked meals, cute decorating, and never-ending romance with my husband.  I'm going to be brave.  I'm going to tell things like they are, and love life regardless.  

I'm done with trying to live what everyone perceives as "real-life".  It seems like all the "real" things are kept quiet in "real-life".  Which is why I'm going to embark on what I have deemed as "near-life".  All aspects of life deserve to be addressed.  The bad just as much as the good.  Because it's all the parts coming together which makes life this magical and exciting experience is it not?