Things I Wish I'd Known When I Got Married.

Once upon a time, I got married.

It was a really fun day.  I got to wear a really pretty dress, have a ton of pictures taken of me and my best friend, and people complimented me and said nice things to us all day.  It was easy to see why girls dream about this day for what seems like their entire life.  For one day it seemed as if I was the centre of the universe.  While sitting at that head table after the family dinner, it was clear to me that marriage was awesome, a piece of cake in fact.  Just like the one displayed in the corner that Jon and I would be cutting later.  Little did I know, pieces of cake don't always cooperate or end up the way you imagined. For example...

They might end up on the floor.  Allow me to share a few things I wish I'd known when I got married.

Spouses Don't Read Minds

Surprising eh?  Well, I'll admit it surprised me as much as it probably surprised Derek Zoolander to find out that bulimics can't read minds.  Although Jon might be able to guess what's going through my mind every so often, it doesn't mean that he knows exactly what I'm feeling or expecting.  And the same goes for me.  We've had some pretty silly disagreements in our little green marriage and more often than not they stem from one of us expecting the other one to know exactly what we're thinking.  For example, just this past week I got annoyed with Jon because he split a bagel with me the wrong way.  And I am realizing how very ridiculous that sounds now.  But in the moment I was ticked off that instead of just giving me the top or bottom, he had to go and split it down the middle.  In other words, he didn't read my mind.  And then there are all the times Jon and I decide to take a day for relaxing (this may or may not include skipping school...) and I end up making him incredibly ticked off.  How am I supposed to know that I'm not allowed to ask him to help me tidy up the house?!  I can't read minds!!  (I now know that Jon's idea of a relaxing day is very different from mine...)  Long story short, unless your spouse is skilled with tarot cards and a crystal ball, don't expect them to be reading your mind.

Family is Family is Family

Jon and I really love our families.  And our families are very different from each other.  For instance, my family enjoys to sit around in the same room with everyone doing their own thing.  Jon's family on the other hand enjoys playing card games.  My family enjoys driving out onto the Ridge and going on long walks.  Jon's family enjoys booking a church gym and playing sports together.  My family lives on a farm.  Jon's family lives in the city.  We most certainly have our differences, but that doesn't mean that we aren't members of each other's family.  I've come to realize that you don't marry a person, you really marry a family.  And one of the best ways to make your spouse happy is by making an effort to really fit in and actively be apart of their family.  Although they may not have changed your diapers and tied your shoe laces, they did all that for your spouse and that makes them important.

Say Sorry Sooner

Jon and I get in disagreements, believe it or not.  And since we're both super mature we will oftentimes give each other a good old silent treatment.  Sometimes we even just plain argue.  I'm really good at just leaving the room.  We're both awesome at stewing over grievances, spending time just thinking to ourselves how right we are and how wrong the other one is.  And since we're both so good at all of this, we sometimes tend to forget that when all is said and done we're both going to end up saying sorry, no matter who was right or wrong.  Fortunately, we are now to the point where we both realize this, which makes for new best times in the dispute resolution department.  Why waste a good portion of your day being grumpy with your spouse when you know that when all is said and done, you're going to say sorry and you're going to forget what you were even grumpy about.  Heck, this could probably apply to all relationships.  Don't burden yourself with a grudge when you know it's not going to last.  Say sorry sooner.

Every Marriage is Unique

Remember when you were growing up and how often you were told something like, "You are unique and that makes you special"?  Well that trite saying still applies, even when you're all grown up and mature and married and stuff.  I believe it is safe to say that no two marriages are alike.  Remember that.  Even if the world of professional and semi-professional bloggers try to tell you that all marriages are perfectly similar and similarly perfect.  Ignore the pictures of their nearly identical horm-rimmed hipster husbands, perfectly decorated and vintage-ly accented homes, and completely envy-worthy wardrobes. Accept that your marriage is just as unique as yourself.  For example, Jon and I talk like little kids when we're around each other.  And we think we're simply the coolest.  Well, maybe not Jon, it bugs him and he's trying to talk more like a "man."


So there you have it.  Although I haven't been married all that long, I feel as if I've learned some incredibly important lessons.  We've come a long way since May 4th.  It seems like each day Jon and I continue to function more efficiently as a couple.  We know what makes each other happy and what rubs each other the wrong way.  And we're beginning to know what each of us needs to do in order to make marriage that piece of cake I thought we had already achieved on our wedding day.  Like I was saying, although pieces of cake don't always cooperate or end up the way you imagined, the best thing you can do with that cake is to just go with it.  Even if it ends up on the floor.