I almost chose a hill to die on this week.
The Registrar, like the actual dude with the title "Registrar," at my university made me SOO MAD. I began plotting how I would publicly rip him to pieces and hopefully get him fired. I was prepared to do whatever it'd take to prove he was out of line and then proceed to smear it in his face. Editorials in the school newspaper! Petitions! Tattling to his boss! EGGING!!! ... okay, not egging ...
Thankfully, after getting control of my temper, I quietly slinked back down the hill. However, if I let myself think about it too long I start marching back up that hill again, prepared to die a most stoic death.
So I've been thinking. What makes us choose hills to die on? What makes a cause or point so important that we'll sacrifice all of our energy in pursuing and proving and pointing out how right we are? Some kind of "Martyr Syndrome" or something, I guess.
Perhaps I'm just an apathetic person because I can't really think of many hills I've scaled and then proceeded to die upon. There was that one time I tried to defend myself against an anonymous bully, but was that really a hill? Or even a death? I guess perhaps Depression awareness is something I believe in, but in my life it's really more of a mound that I'm standing on, playing show and tell with my scars.
It seems like everywhere I look there are people dying on hills. Pro-Lifers hanging gruesome posters off overpasses. Women movements for the priesthood. Elimination of bullying! Same-sex marriage. Save the Whales! Vegans? When did society become so hilltop suicidal? Is it just a phase? You know, like all the cool kids are toting an iPhone 5 at the front lines of a cause?
The biggest question I have about this though is:
Which hills are really WORTH dying on?
Ultimately, for me, it would be my faith and family. Everything other than that just seems so superficial and fleeting, why would someone want to die on a hill that will eventually just erode and crumble to a null and meaningless point?
So, what hills are worth dying on for you? I am sincerely curious.
Oh Kristen, your stories never cease to amaze me. I love the way you write and how you are so creative when telling about things in your life. For me, I think the gospel and my family are worth dying on a hill for. No hesitation.
ReplyDeleteOh Brittany, you're the nicest! Those are the two hills I would die on too. I'm an idiot for not writing the gospel - I went back and added it.
DeleteOnly my relationship with Christ matters to me. Not even my marriage is more important than that...but it's a very close second.
ReplyDeleteOkay so that kind of sounded self-righteous...I'm not perfect at prioritizing my life but that's where I want to be.
ReplyDeleteHaha, not self-righteous at all. That's definitely where I want to be too. I just added "faith" to the post - I feel sheepish I didn't write it, but I was ultimately thinking about it when I wrote family.
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ReplyDeleteFor some reason this made me think of the title of liberty and the things Moroni stood up for: "..our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children...". I'm a really diplomatic person and I hate conflict so I tend to not stand up for things but this was a good reminder to me that I should, so thank you :)
ReplyDeleteOooooo, I really like that. The title of liberty. Those are totally the hills I would die on. You're a genius to remember that!
Deletedarling Kristen,
ReplyDeletei just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the comment you left on my blog a few days ago - it was such an encouragement and the sweetest comment yet. you have a heart of gold. you are a gem!
be blessed and live loved,
xx
Kristen you are seriously the coolest! I think a big part of finding your 'hill to die on' goes hand in hand with finding your purpose. I know that in following the will of the Lord is really hard sometimes. Realizing that when the Lord gives you a calling you need to put your heart and soul into it. Sort of an All of Nothing sort of thing. I think that then, when you know that you are fighting for the Cause of the Lord, that you might be fighting on a hill, but there will ultimately be no dying ;) It's really comforting to know that the Lords work will go forward, and that even though we struggle, and sometimes feel like its a futile effort, we will be successful in the end. It might not be what we think or envision as success, but it will be a success none the less.
ReplyDeleteI know thats kind of vague, so I'll put it into context. I have been really blessed to have the opportunity to get into the Education program at the U of L. I was really hesitant about this, and sort of went with it because it was a 'job' at the end of university. I didn't think I wanted to be a teacher, and knew that the feelings people have towards teachers fighting for change in the system are pretty cynical. However, I could just write and write about what things need to be changed but this isn't really the place. I think the biggest reason this scared me is because its a) a huge undertaking, b) not really sympathized with, and c) not really understood. People just sort of shut off when you talk about it, and people in power are so far removed from it they really don't even have a clue! I realize that it's a never ending battle, and one that I haven't even really started, but it's one most definitely worth fighting on. I really struggled with how people would tell me to NOT be a teacher, that it was a quote 'waste of my talent.' Thinking about it now just makes me so freaking mad. I know that if we neglect the children, we will lose them, and lose our society! Its like no one even freaking cares about their benefit and how to help them, or the intense importance of school. If you think about it, school can either make it for a kid or break it! Not everyone is lucky enough to have a home where education is important and knowledge is fostered. Nor do they have places where trying new things, or being curious about different aspects of life is encouraged, or even available to them. SCHOOL is where it happens. It not just a 'gateway' to college and a job, but a way to inform who you are as a person and who you might want to become! ...ok sorry I got sappy. I think initiating positive change in the education of and for our children and our future is such a huge fight that people really easily give up on it, but if everyone who cared about it actually said something, it would be a force that would move mountains! haha. That's my hill....and it almost most definitely will be the end of me. haha But I think, if I can even make a small change in one kids life for the better it would be a success....(k I am a super nerd/sap haha but I don't care)
Love ya!
Kara Henry
Kara, you're the best. This is the greatest comment to ever grace my blog. I could just FEEL your passion while reading about "your hill." You're totally not a super nerd or a sap. I think people like you should be the only people entrusted with the great task of teaching and mentoring children. If you're not passionate about it, you shouldn't spread your jaded and apathetic ways to the growing and impressionable youth.
DeleteLoved this analogy. So great. And so true right? Sometimes there are just some fights that are totally not worth it. I've been reading the comments too and yes, we just finished reading about the title of liberty in our family scripture study and right now there are the kingmen who want a King again instead of judges and the Lamanites are coming to fight them again, but the Kingmen don't want to join the Nephites in fighting because they are dumb and now Captian Moroni is mad because they all just finished fighting together for this freedom that they have and these guys aren't appreciating it or trying to help them keep it. Anywho, lots to think about there. Makes me realize that I need to be grateful for the battles that have been fought before me so that I can practice the religion I would like to. Def faith and family. That's what it's all about! You got it right on the nose.
ReplyDeleteI think everybody can give an answer depending on battle he/she fights. I felt some injustices really badly, and some I can't visualise at all, some things I would like to have a magic stick to change them, some I don't even think about but somebody somewhere is really concerned about. I know it s utopia, but I would die repeating there is no need for most of the hills even to exist, most of those 'in the name of...' and most of the battles being tried to win. There is so many hills that live itself imposes in front of us challenging us to win them, to grow inside and be greateful, and it s sad people have made so many hills in adittion, just because lack of empathy, understanding, tolerance, because of the greed and the malice. in a daily life (office, building, people we interract with) and in the big world out there. there are so many people with less opportunities and almost with no opportunity with just a sole existence left to defend and so much hypocrisy too. i just hate those kind of hills exist because there is no need for them. if we need to stand for something and fight, and we need sometimes in life, let just those hills and fights at least would be sane and right-minded. for something better and to improve things among and around us and make at least something more beautiful and fair. with that goal, i think every hill is worth fighting for, it doesn't matter if it is almost to save the world or save the local park, to stand for our familly, religion, friend, orphan, rights, truth, whatever. there is so many hearts, things, relations and lives we can help to improve. u are so right, some hills are really not worth of dying on. I really love ur post. sorry if my english is faulty, it s not my native language and it can be fussy sometimes:)
ReplyDeleteYour english is fantastic. I completely agree that the majority of hills out there really have no reason to exist - but that's the funny thing about us humans. For some reason we NEED to make them exist.
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