Let the party begin! I'm officially on Maternity Leave and I've only got two more weeks until my official "calve out" date. The cradle is set up, the clothes are sorted, and I've got what seems like enough diapers to last for an entire year (… but will probably end up being like a week). I guess you could say it's go time.
Today at church I got asked if I'm scared for the labour and delivery. My answer was and still is an ignorantly blissful "no." How bad can it be? I survived a month and a half honeymoon of death-stipation and I read the book "Childbirth Without Fear" by Grantly Dick-Read, so obviously I've got everything under control (… said with complete sarcasm and utmost respect for women who have ever been in labour and delivered a baby. I'm just trying to milk this blissful ignorance for as long as I can). So yeah, I'm a tough pig and I'm not afraid.
There is something I am afraid of though. Strange as it may sound, I'm actually quite frightened by the prospect of this…
You know what I'm talking about? I am deathly afraid of being zeroed in on by who I'm convinced are the world's biggest bullies: other moms (… you know, the mean judgmental ones).
By no means are ALL other moms bullies. Just from my own observations, it seems like a good portion somehow expend all the kindness and patience in their bodies on their children and have absolutely none left over for other women doing their darndest to raise kids of their own. I've heard about these mean moms laughing at moms who have inexpensive strollers or that dress their kids in clothes that aren't brand name. I've seen these mean moms rip out their claws online and absolutely tear to shreds a complete stranger over the fact that she chose to mother differently. Heck, I've even felt the heat on this here blog during a pregnancy that ended suddenly. Can you blame me for being a little apprehensive?
So I've decided to take a stance and stick with it. You can call it my Parenting Disclaimer, Mantra, or even Style. I pride myself on blogging honestly and that is not going to change after having a kid, not even if it means I'll be subjecting myself to people like "J." "J" is a long time anonymous reader of mine who I realized yesterday has only ever made negative comments on this blog. So I wrote "J" a quick note yesterday after coming across an old comment of theirs and I share it with the intention of sending all meanies on their way.
I'm not going to be a perfect parent. But I'm also not going to let that fact take away from ANY part of my upcoming experience of motherhood and parenting. I find it a little sad that such a miraculous part of the human experience has to be tainted by people who are are just plum mean. Don't they realize that at the end of the day every parent is simply trying to do exactly what they are: their best? Why then must they beat down and bully? I'm realizing too that I'm not the only pregnant girl to feel apprehensive. My pal Laura blogged about her fears of being The Worst Mom and I couldn't help but relate. So I leave you with the same words I left her…
So bring on this parenting thing! I'm going to love every second of it whether the haters want me to or not.
Haha! I love your pregnancy confessions! So awesome.
ReplyDeleteAshlin
Haha, why thank you Ashlin!
DeleteP.S. Your little girl is DARLING!!
Moms are mean. I hate it. I need more nice mom friends. :(
ReplyDeleteAnd for what its worth, I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to eat deli meat in pregnancy until after I had my preemie. You can bet I beat myself up over that for awhile! We survived. ;)
I'll be a nice mom friend! Except, I'll be living in Calgary :(
DeleteAnd I'm sure the deli meat really wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back making Jack come early. Seriously, don't mean moms get it that we're all beating ourselves up anyways and we really don't need their uncalled for second opinion?
If it wasn't for deli meat I would have starved and shriveled up and died my first trimester, with both kids. People can suck it :)
ReplyDeleteAMEN!! Hahaha, I'm realizing after this post that the majority of people I associate with and love are like you and I. Hear hear!!
DeleteI love you Kristen. You are so real and funny. I love your blissful ignorance of labour. More power to you. Why worry when there's a good chance you will rock it. I went to the movies when I started labour with my fourth. I admit, I was a tiny bit worried my water might break and I would be really embarrassed, but I didn't want to be at home stressing. Do it your way with your confidence, and … eventually you will have a baby ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso, in regards to mean moms, mean people are at Every stage of life. This just happens to be the stage you are at now, so you notice it. Surround yourself with the happy people, and when you hear unkind remarks directed toward you, deal with them as you always have. You are amazing and strong and will rock at being the most amazing mom ever your way!
That is absolutely genius to just go to a movie! You're a champ. Hahah, you should have just put a garbage bag on your seat, just in case ;)
DeleteGood point about mean people existing at every stage in life. It's so true. I guess when it comes to motherhood I assumed that moms would band together since they're essentially all working towards the same goal of raising competent human beings. It's just so surprising that they get caught up being so mean and competitive.
It's true. I was there. And from the movie we went to the house and I stayed while they went to t the hospital. ~ Saralynn
DeleteHere are some thoughts I have to add as well. I agree with what you said. What is hard for me is I sometimes feel like that judgmental mom. I even do mentally judge them sometimes. I am afraid that sometimes in my mother conversations they might even think I am judging them by expressing my opinions and beliefs on parenting. As the mom we get passionate about these little people that have filled our heart. We want to share what we feel is best and in today's world it can be so opposite of what our neighbor feels is best for their bundles of joy. Here is my controversial example: "cry it out." I don't do it and I won't do it. I feel quite strongly about it. I actually don't talk about this one unless I know you really well because of the strong feelings that come on both sides. Several amazing mothers who are my dear family and friends have, do and will "cry it out." It is okay, we can still be friends and support each other. I really do believe that! We all need each other to speak kindly of our efforts. As listeners we should also learn to assume the best. Since returning back to small town southern Alberta, I get frustrated with the negativity all around me. I'm trying hard to look for the good and uplifting in other people's words. I break a lot of parenting "rules," and feel confident that cookie dough and deli meat have done us no harm. Being a Mom is hard! There are mean moms, but some of those perceived mean moms might not be so bad, they just might not be as comfortable with their own instincts as you are. They might be wanting to help you and maybe they need you to help them see there really is no one way to raise a great kid.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you!! In fact, just yesterday I even experienced being a "judgmental mom" in my head. And I felt awful about it when I realized what I was doing. When I was thinking it over and trying to figure out why I had been such a hypocrite, I came to the conclusion that raising a child is probably the BIGGEST most IMPORTANT thing I'll ever do in my life and I want to do my very, very best. And so I gage and scale my own performance off what I observe other parents doing. You're so right when you say "there really is no one way to raise a great kid."
DeleteSo funny! This is so real, love it.
ReplyDeleteThanks LeeLee!
DeleteIt's been so long since I've been on any blog and I'm so glad I came back. I love reading about your beautiful in site. Love you and hope to see you soon. You will be the best mom ever. Your future kids are so lucky! ~ Saralynn
ReplyDeleteI miss you! Come to Canada! Sheriff needs to meet you!
Deletei looveee this post! I ate hot dogs every day, 3 times a day while living in beazer. I craved McDonald's cheeseburgers with extra pickles every day for a long time. and I ate deli meat whenever I wanted. My baby is sooo healthy. (have you seen her thighs??) and her face always has dirt on it. It's a great day if I change her out of her pjs, even when I go out in public! and I aint scurred of anyone who judges. I love my baby more than life itself. that's all that matters. you're going to be an awesome mom!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, you're awesome and hilarious. I can see my mothering being a lot like yours. And seriously, a kid isn't a kid if they don't have dirt on their face ;)
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