Shortly after graduating high school, I developed a passionate love (... or unhealthy obsession) for those fleeting southern Alberta summer months. I had always especially loved the summer, but it felt different all of the sudden, stronger maybe. Perhaps it was because that was the time of year that I could move back to my small town home from the city and sink back into the comforts of a slow and familiar environment. That's a good enough reason to really, really love a season, right?
With this new found fervor for summer came an equal and opposite reaction to winter. Being sentenced to life in the city for what felt like a never ending winter each year was the equivalent to hibernating in my books, because it sure wasn't living.
It wasn't long before my love for summer reached new heights, comparable to that of a clingy girlfriend.
PLEASE DON'T GO!!!
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE!!
I spent the winter months stalking summer. I reminisced. I desperately tried to stay in contact with my "summer" friends. I belittled anything good or fun that occurred during the winter. And I counted down the days until I would be back with my love.
This all sounds super healthy, right? Believe it or not, it wasn't. This was the birth of the very seasonal aspect of my depression.
Seasonal depression, or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is where it all began for me. I never learned coping techniques to get me through the winter each year, I just chose to be emo all winter because nobody knew how I felt because nobody could possibly love summer and hate winter as much as I did. I'm confident that because I never developed any sort of resilience in coping my way through the winter, I set myself up to fall a lot harder when things really hit the fan, or when a real major depressive episode came in like a wrecking ball. Fortunately, after learning to understand myself and my depression and developing a heck of a lot of resiliency, I feel confident in saying that I have a healthy relationship with summertime. Don't get me wrong, it's still hands down my favorite season of the year, just now I'm actually able to say I'm "living" during the rest of the year. And I didn't even feel sad that today was the last day of August.
What do you do during the winter to stay happy? (That is, if the winter is kind of blah to you too...)
Music and reading for me. It allows me to "lose" myself in healthy doses.
ReplyDeleteReading, baking, crafts, sewing, photography (winter photography is beautiful), writing, watching t.v. movies. I used to love summer too but now, as an adult, it kind of sucks! There's so much to do and so many visitors that it's all a blur of obligations and work that whiz by and I don't get to just hang out and sun tan and swim anymore :(. Winter is cozy and if you get bored of being inside you can bundle up and go skiing/snowboarding, skating, sledding, make snowmen, etc.! I hope you enjoy this winter more than you have in years past.
ReplyDeleteI make sure I exercise regularly, make planned social outings with other moms/kids, date nights are a must! (something to look forward to). Winter is hard, but it's sure pretty when it's all white!
ReplyDeleteI want to know how YOU cope with winter? I am pretty good until after the New Year. And then it's straight boring. Nothing to look forward to. Feb comes and I feel like, "why is the snow still here?" And then March and April come and I'm still asking the same thing. It's those last three months that kill me. I will say that last year for Valentines Day Joe took me skating which I haven't done in years, ...and that was fun and spontaneous. Having a big project, like writing a musical, really helps me. It helped for three winters. Haha! But I will say having to drive the kids to school everyday and pick them up in the winter sucks. It gets old and I find it very hard towards the end especially. HOWEVER, it DOES force me to leave the house even though I don't want to and on those nicer winter days I bring the sleds to school and enjoy watching the kids have a blast. Sometimes winter is a swear word to me, and sometimes it ain't dat bad. (This is Maren by the way. I'm just too lazy to sign out of Joe's account. Tee hee!).
ReplyDelete