It's okay if I have a little pity party on here right? A couple weeks ago I blogged about how I'm a mom and such and how much I love it. And I really, REALLY do. But this past week I had a bit of an eye opening experience and it kind of got me down for a day or two.
I was down visiting my family for a week while Jon was at work. He couldn't come down until Sunday night. So every evening he had free while I had to wrestle a crazy 18 month old and coax a 3 month old to sleep. Then on Friday he didn't have to work and he had the day all to himself and I was left wondering when I'd have an hour to myself. And then on Saturday he went snowboarding and I tried to remember if I even had any hobbies. Needless to say, on Saturday night I got jealous and mad and felt sorry for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for making the choice to become a mother and it's been one of the best choices I've ever made; my greatest joy is serving and caring for those incredible little people and my husband. My biggest goal each day is to do my best in that regard, but it's lead me to sort of neglect this other side of myself, the side of me that is Kristen the person as opposed to Kristen the wife and mother. So when do I get to take a break and be Kristen the person? And I mean a literal, guilt free break. I don't mean having a kid free couple of hours that I spend catching up on sleep because the baby was up five times last night or showering for longer than three minutes. I do get some free time every night after the babies are in bed, but that time is a Kristen the wife and mother break, usually spent ironing out the budget, planning meals, jotting down a grocery list, writing in my and the girls' journals. Another thing that frustrates me is that I have no idea what Kristen the person would even like to do if she got such a break.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm human. I recognize that. And I'm hoping some other smarter humans might give me some strategies on how to treat myself while still managing to be a good mother. I hate feeling this way because I'm sure there's going to come a day when Kristen the person has much more time to herself and all she'll be able to think about is how much she misses being Kristen the mother. So what's a Kristen to do?
I was down visiting my family for a week while Jon was at work. He couldn't come down until Sunday night. So every evening he had free while I had to wrestle a crazy 18 month old and coax a 3 month old to sleep. Then on Friday he didn't have to work and he had the day all to himself and I was left wondering when I'd have an hour to myself. And then on Saturday he went snowboarding and I tried to remember if I even had any hobbies. Needless to say, on Saturday night I got jealous and mad and felt sorry for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for making the choice to become a mother and it's been one of the best choices I've ever made; my greatest joy is serving and caring for those incredible little people and my husband. My biggest goal each day is to do my best in that regard, but it's lead me to sort of neglect this other side of myself, the side of me that is Kristen the person as opposed to Kristen the wife and mother. So when do I get to take a break and be Kristen the person? And I mean a literal, guilt free break. I don't mean having a kid free couple of hours that I spend catching up on sleep because the baby was up five times last night or showering for longer than three minutes. I do get some free time every night after the babies are in bed, but that time is a Kristen the wife and mother break, usually spent ironing out the budget, planning meals, jotting down a grocery list, writing in my and the girls' journals. Another thing that frustrates me is that I have no idea what Kristen the person would even like to do if she got such a break.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm human. I recognize that. And I'm hoping some other smarter humans might give me some strategies on how to treat myself while still managing to be a good mother. I hate feeling this way because I'm sure there's going to come a day when Kristen the person has much more time to herself and all she'll be able to think about is how much she misses being Kristen the mother. So what's a Kristen to do?
EDIT: I just have to throw in here that I have mad respect for single mothers. You guys are super heroes and I feel minuscule after writing such a post.
Okay, so here's the wisdom you've been waiting all day to hear! Haha! JK. All I know is that I've been there, AND I will be joining you again very soon with our newest addition that will hopefully be coming any day now (technically in a week and a half, but probably later knowing my luck). I remember one time I was feeling especially overwhelmed and I wondered how the heck people balance their lives? Well, some wise person told me that it's less about balance and more about prioritizing your life. You can't possibly "balance" everything. But you can make the important things come first (which you are) in the various phases of life you are currently in. Sometimes that means that Maren the person does not have much of a life. But remember Maren last year at this time? Maren the director, producer, actress and writer of musicals? (okay, it was just ONE musical). That was me being able to take time out for myself while being a Mom at the same time. I needed mad support from Joe (which sometimes I got and sometimes he couldn't give me), and I was ready for some me-time so I grabbed on with two horns. I haven't written a thing since September though because I'm just not in a phase in my life where that is taking precedence, you know? But it doesn't mean I'm done writing, or that Maren the writer is gone forever. She's just taking a break so she can focus more on her kids. Prioritizing! Anywho, I'm not sure how much of that made sense, but I can tell you I feel ya! And being a busy Mom to young kids is hard, especially when you're hubs isn't around to give you breaks. And I've been there where I don't know what I would even do with my time if I had a break. Get groceries by myself? Why is that such a luxury??? But it is.... Sad. Haha! Don't fret my cousin. Life comes in waves. Sometimes it's all about you. And sometimes it is absolutely not!
ReplyDeleteI like that. I like that a lot. And yes, it did make sense. And I'm so glad this advice came from you, because I see you as a huge go-getter that is always accomplishing big things. I also like how you pointed out that Maren the writer isn't gone forever if that's not what you're able to do at the moment. I think I get caught up in telling myself I can't claim to be what I once was because I don't invest the same amount of time in it as I once did.
DeleteI'm sure I won't say this right, but Nancy Keeler advice. You can't fill yourself up. Satisfaction doesn't come from going out to get your nails done for you, but in coming home ready to be a better wife and mother. We don't have to change what we do just how we see it. Kind of like people who have tried a 100 diets never to become skinnier, but when they decide they want to be healthy and able to play with their family they find greater success. Hope that made sense.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I won't say this right, but Nancy Keeler advice. You can't fill yourself up. Satisfaction doesn't come from going out to get your nails done for you, but in coming home ready to be a better wife and mother. We don't have to change what we do just how we see it. Kind of like people who have tried a 100 diets never to become skinnier, but when they decide they want to be healthy and able to play with their family they find greater success. Hope that made sense.
ReplyDeleteThat made perfect sense! And it's worked. I've made myself change my frame of mind and I'm a lot happier. Seeing Jon have so much free time and fun that week made me feel like I needed/wanted something like that, so that made me upset. And then trying to figure out what I'd even do with my free time and not knowing what I would made me even more upset. I didn't start to feel happier until I realized that being with my kids and husband is what makes me the happiest. Thanks Nikki!
DeleteIt happens to the best of us - a lot more frequently than I think we want to be honest about. (Unless you're just ME…)
ReplyDeleteI remind myself of the law of opposition. How would we ever know the really good, amazing happy if we never knew the frustrated, despairing sad?
That was random.
That was not random! That was perfect! And so true!
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