Estranged

This humble space on the internet used to be so much to me. A place I hurried to almost every day. Where I spewed out my thoughts and ideas. Where I grew into my authentic self. Where I navigated and healed my depression. Where I clung to a part of myself that gradually slipped away. And now wandering back here feels a lot like what stepping into my high school bedroom would feel like. It was once my comfort zone and a reflection of who and what I wanted to be, but I'm no longer the person I once was and the room doesn't really reflect who I am anymore.

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My mind has been begging me to have a writing outlet for quite sometime. I created a Wordpress blog, since those seem more like the adult version of a blog whereas Blogger is the teenage version, but I just couldn't bring myself to fully commit. When you grow into the adult version of yourself, you don't erase all the building blocks of your previous selves, do you? Everyone has an origin story, whether you choose to share it or not. And don't we more fully understand and love the characters whose origin stories we know? 

And so I have returned. Perhaps it's the mother I've become that refuses to abandon the young Kristen's online presence to the ether. Whatever it is, instead of writing on a clean slate I'm returning to the high-school-bedroom-blog I've been estranged from. Ironic, since life has pushed me back into a bedroom in my parents basement where I sleep alone. The only difference this time is that I have a baby in a bassinet next to me and four other kids down the hall. And just like I've spent the past few months slowly making that bedroom match who I currently am, I will likewise do the same with this humble space on the internet.