Feelin' Like A...

I'm ultra competitive.  Somehow everything in my life turns into a contest.  I can't help it.

I can't just go to work and wait on tables.  I have to start contests with other servers to see who can sell more of the most expensive meal on the menu.  And you can probably imagine the thoughts running through my head as I tip out at the end of the night.

The same goes for sports.  I love to win, but even when I play on a team I somehow end up in a contest with another teammate seeing who can score the most goals.

With this sort of an attitude, it's only natural that I view my entire life as some sort of contest.  And at the moment, I feel like I'm losing.

Capital "L"

Yes, losing.  The person in last place.  I feel as if I missed the starter pistol.  I didn't hear the gun go off.  I fell asleep at the starting line, or maybe I tripped over my poor four-point start.  Now here I am.  Watching all my competitors race away with me left staring up from the track, covered in scratches and shale dust.  Dazed and confused.  Because I didn't even know I was in this race in the first place.  

Are you single?  Because you're in this race too.  

You didn't hear the gun go off either?  Phewf!  So I'm not the only one in last place!  

Yeah, I didn't know this was a race either.  But apparently it is.

READY, SET, GET MARRIED!!!

Okay fine, maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but I can't help but feel slightly justified in comparing the search for a spouse to a race.

Blame it on all the old acquaintances, relatives, and friends of my parents who feel the first question worth asking me is whether or not I'm dating anyone.

Blame it on the lady I barely know who asked, "Are you married yet?" and then went on to tell me how she felt "so old" to be tying the knot at age 20.  What does that make a 22 year old single person like me?  Ancient?

Blame it on the return missionary I wrote for two years who came home and proposed without giving us the chance to date first.

Blame it on that same return missionary who then married the first girl he dated after things collapsed between us.

Blame it on all the girls I met at EFY who are now married.  And I was their EFY counsellor.

Blame it on the 18 and 19 year old girls who make comments like, "I would rather die than not be married by the time I'm 22".

Is there really any wonder why I feel like I'm caught in a race?

Don't get me wrong, someday I hope to be married.  But why is there such a rush?

I legitimately understand that some young couples may very well be mature enough to wed or find the right one early on, but when I look around and see so many young couples divorcing, I can't help but feel that this race is more of a hindrance than a help.  

Thank goodness I didn't hear that gun go off!  Maybe it's not so bad to be a loser...

Although the thoughtless comments and attention focussed on my dating life oftentimes seems rude and obnoxious, I'm starting to realize that these people really do have good intentions.  They simply want me to be happy and feel that marriage is the best solution.  

Which then makes the actions of all the marriage-hungry suitors make more sense.  They're just trying to follow the advice of others in a quest for their own happiness.

Which then makes the impulsive and corrosive comments of young girls not hurt so much.  They just want to be happy and are afraid they won't be, should they end up being a 22 year old single girl.  

Hmm, maybe I'll just pick flowers and chase butterflies instead.  I don't really care to be in this race anymore...

Suddenly, I just don't feel like that much of a loser.  Although it might be hard to believe, I'm proud to admit that I'm a perfectly happy, 22 year old girl.  And it didn't take a white dress and a diamond ring to make me this way.

Disqualify me.  I quit.  I don't need to run this race.  I've already won it.

I am Kristen Gibb.  I am single and, despite what you may think, happy.