I Have a Dream...

Or, I mean, I had a dream.  


Which is actually a really huge deal, because I NEVER have dreams.


I had it last night.  In fact, I woke up from it only a couple hours ago.  I could even say it was a lucid dream.

But the stinky part is that it wasn't even very fantastic, exciting, humorous, romantic, or magical.  It was about something so common place in my life that it could have passed off for an average day.  Except, it might not now, because the more I think about it, the more I'm realizing that this dream was actually a huge lecture.  Yup.  I got lectured in my sleep.  And it went something like this...

I was on a road trip with a friend [who I will leave anonymous...].

We were driving to my parent's place.

I wasn't in a very talkative or playful mood.

So I ended up just falling asleep and letting him drive.

When we got to my parent's house, he went inside and left me in the car to sleep.

When I finally woke up, it was night time and I didn't know where he was.

So, naturally, I assumed everyone was asleep inside.

And for some reason, there was no room to sleep inside the house, we must have had a lot of guests or something....

So, I walked over to my parent's horse trailer, went inside, and went back to bed.

[Okay, I realize this might be a little weird.  But I had a sleeping bag.  Blame it on all the weird places I had to sleep at The Farm during the First of July while growing up...  Such as Grandpa's garden shed, the tipi, the cook car, etc.]

When I got up in the morning and went inside, my friend seemed really upset.

It looked like he didn't sleep at all that night.

I didn't want to be a snoop, so I didn't ask about it.

After eating a big pancake breakfast, I was taking my dishes to the dishwasher.

My friend kept trying to take them from me, so he could do them for me.

But I wouldn't let him.

And then it ended.

Except, that's not really all of it.

This entire dream was seen through HIS perspective.

I know, that might sound a little confusing.  But let me explain...

Because I'm me, I could see and understand how all of my actions in this dream made perfect sense.  They were me to a T.  They were how I would react to this situation.  I have no problem with being a little -

1.  Taciturn.  The silence in the car would seem perfectly fine to me.

2.  Solitary.  Being left behind in the car and then remaining by myself all night wouldn't bug me.

3.  Spontaneous.  As weird as it was, I admit I would sleep in a horse trailer if the opportunity presented itself.

4.  Self-perceived selflessness.  I thought I was doing everyone a favor by sticking the night out in the horse trailer.  I didn't want to steal a bed or wake anyone up.

5.  Independent.  I can take care of myself, whether it's sleeping alone in a horse trailer or doing my own dishes.

6.  Proud.  In fact, I'm proud that I'm independent and can do these things.  I'm especially proud of my work ethic and readily refuse help in completing work I deem as my own or that I think I can do best.

7.  Stubborn.  Because I'm so proud, I usually don't really care to surrender my independence or relinquish any of my work.

The brat my mother raised...

However, since this dream was seen through my friend's perspective, all the qualities I revere and enjoy about myself suddenly became the cause for feelings of discomfort and neglect on his part.  For the entire dream I saw how unhappy and heart broken I was making him feel by just being myself.  And that's where the lecture comes in...

"Kristen Gibb, you need to be more considerate."

I guess the two biggest lessons I learned from this dream are that - 

1.  People need me to need them.  I don't mean this in the sense that I'm "big deal" and people can't go on without me needing them, I mean it in that people need me to simply respond, to give them proof of life, to actually take the effort to show them that "...yeah, I'm here, and I really do care about you."  A good friend of mine used to tell me I was a "robot" and that the song "I Am A Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel described me perfectly.  I took it as a giant compliment, but I think he was hinting at the fact that I need to step down from my tall and independent pedestal to start giving back to all the relationships in my life.  I now see that my affinity for silence and keeping to myself can be perceived as frustration, a grudge, or a guilt trip to someone else.  I may be hurting someone's feelings and damaging a relationships without even knowing.  We all naturally need the attention, affection, and adoration of the people we care about in our lives.  Just because I don't need very much at all doesn't mean that this is the same for everyone else.  If I care about someone, I need to make the effort to stay awake and talk to them during a road trip.  I need to come inside and hang out with them.  I need to make sure they know where I'm going to be all night if I decide to sleep in a horse trailer or else they'll stay awake worrying.

2.  Let others help me.  Just like people need me to show an interest and regard for them, I need to let people do the same for me.  And oftentimes, they may choose to do this by giving service to me, such as doing my dishes.  It isn't a weakness to surrender my ability to work when it's for a friend wishing to do me a favor.  For the longest time I've esteemed myself as being so strong and mighty in my ability to take care of myself, but oftentimes the real strength lies in letting someone help you.  I'm sure the Saviour could have cleaned his own feet, in fact, he probably could have done a better job and made sure his feet were cleaned exactly how he wanted them to be, but that's not the point.  He let Mary anoint and clean his feet with her hair.  I need to start letting others do the same.  Figuratively.  I think hair would tickle my feet too much.

Well unknown Master of Dreams, I LEARNED MY LESSON.  Thanks a lot for the lecture.  I guess I needed it.  Now, could I just start having regular type dreams?  Thanks.