Stretched.

Summer ended last night.  Sitting outside in Waterton, you could literally feel it being choked out of existence by the terrific wind and menacing clouds rolling in over the mountains.  Hundreds of yellow leaves suddenly just appeared out of nowhere, carpeting the ground and freckling the trees.  The streets seemed empty and there was no one sitting outside of "Big Scoop" enjoying ice cream, a very rare sight indeed.  So long, so long.

However, I don't feel weighed down or upset with the melancholy of this occasion.  I don't feel like mourning the loss of summer.  I'm filled with too many happy memories and accomplishments to look back over that this summer will probably live on with me forever. 

By average summer standards, I fell terribly behind.  I didn't drink a single slurpee and I only ate one hot dog.  I only sat around one campfire and I didn't even roast a marshmallow or eat a s'more.  I can count on one hand how many times I went swimming and I only slept on the trampoline once.  The only dances I attended were free-for-alls in a parking lot or at a family reunion.  I have a horrible sock tan line.  I didn't have a fun and flirty summer romance.  In fact, I spent most of my entire summer alone.  Completely and utterly alone.  And it was exactly what I needed.

This was the summer that I stretched.  In many more ways than simply bending down and touching my toes.  And this is how...

THOUGHTS AND WORKS

Back in April, I wrote a post trying to motivate myself to be more friendly and unafraid of strangers.  Because strangers really are just people aren't they?  Just regular human beings like you and I, right?  Well, this summer I was fortunate enough to work as a server at a small restaurant and I'm confident to say I have accomplished the goals I intended to when I wrote that post.

It was absolutely fascinating to be on the server-side of things.  I got to witness the uneasiness and apprehensions of people who do not come out to eat very often.  I got to observe relationships of every kind, ranging from elderly couples clinging to each other as they walked in and out, because they would either fall or be terribly lost without each other due to their many years spent together, to the stress and frustration of parents trying to cooperate and control their children during something as seemingly simple as eating dinner.  I got to see the pleasure in someone's eyes as they ate something delicious and I got to experience the disgust of a bad plate first-handedly as people would personally attack me, the mere server of the dish.

Although the service industry has brainwashed everyone in our society to believe that the "customer is always right" and that they dictate and control us mere servers, I soon realized that I was the one in complete control as I approached each table to serve.  I got to say the first words, I knew all the answers to any of their questions, and I was the one who could prompt any conversation, and only if I wanted there to be any.  My tables were MINE.  And because I was in control, I was suddenly unafraid to talk to people, to complete strangers, to ask them anything.  "How was your day?" "Have you done any hikes?" "Where are you visiting from?"

It wasn't until I went on vacation with a few friends that I realized I've completely overcome this fear.  While heading back to our car after a small hike on Logan's Pass, I found myself completely lost in a conversation with a perfect stranger from Boston, MA.  She was old enough to be my mom and was an absolutely fascinating person.  When I finally caught up with my friends, one said, "Kristen, you're not getting paid to talk to strangers right now."  And because I wasn't, I realized I had accomplished something big.  

Bring on the strangers, I'll talk to them.  No problem.

LOVE HER

Back in June, I wrote a post challenging myself to love Kristen Gibb.  For my entire life I have literally been my biggest enemy.  My mind has constantly been programmed to rip and rage at myself for the smallest, even most inevitable errors.  Then to deal with the pressure of never measuring up to myself, I found myself with very little self respect, which was a whole other battle to deal with completely.  Thankfully, one night while writing in my journal alongside Linnet Lake in Waterton, I made the powerful discovery of how vitally important it is for me to love ME.  In fact, I think I've spent my entire life hungering for this discovery.  It was so relieving to realize that it isn't a crime to genuinely care and love yourself.  We need to be our own best friend.

Spending an entire summer alone gave me the chance to combat the mean, self-destructive Kristen.  As I spent my time hiking, running, reading, and relaxing, I was able to understand and embrace exactly who I am, because I'm all that I've got.  I was the best friend that I spent all summer with.  And I needed it, subconsciously I think I've always wanted to be my friend, I just didn't know how.  I love who I am.

NOT GUILTY

I've been cursed with a guilty conscience.  Whether I eat one cookie or two dozen, I feel terribly guilty. If I only run 5 kms, I feel guilty because I should have run more.  If I'm taller than a boy or person I look up to, I feel guilty and slouch.  If I don't get up right when my alarm goes off, guilty.  If I don't study as much as I think I could have, guilty.  If I can't say what I'm thinking, guilty.  If I don't write in my journal because I've collapsed in exhaustion, guilty.  I could go on and on all day.

There was one day this summer I realized that I'm not perfect.  And no one expects me to be.  So why do I feel guilty all the time?  After studying my scriptures and pondering this, I've come to learn guilt is a divine emotion we are to feel when our actions aren't in harmony with God.  We shouldn't feel guilty for not exercising or eating seconds of dessert.  "Men are that they might have joy."

It was as if a huge boulder I've been carrying around for years and years was lifted off my shoulders when I made this connection.  What was the first thing I did when I got rid of all the unnecessary guilt? Bought a pair of two inch wedges.  And then wore them.  Without slouching.  I'm pretty sure I was the tallest person at church that Sunday.

I don't need to feel guilty for being alive.  I can eat all I want, exercise as little as I want, sleep in as much as I want, study as little as I want, the only thing I have to do is be prepared to deal with the consequences.  Strangely enough, I find that I now eat less and exercise more consistently than ever because I'm not being forced to out of fear of being guilty if I don't.  

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

Whatever happened with the Bear's Hump Challenge?  Well, I didn't spend every single day of the summer in Waterton and I didn't let myself hike it on Sundays.  And towards the end, I found myself feeling guilty if I didn't do it, something I had decided I didn't want to feel anymore.  So I sort of trailed off towards the last few weeks.  However, as of today, I have hiked Bear's Hump 44 times in one since June 1st.  I plan to hike it one last time before moving to Calgary.  45 times in one summer, that's pretty good right?  

This summer was the first I've ever been to the Stampede.  It was great to catch up with a good friend, eat a hamburger, and experience the magic of the Calgary Stampede firsthand.  

My best friend had a BABY!  What's even crazier is that I HELD a baby!  I now understand and believe in the saying "Love at first sight".  I love little Brock and look forward to holding him again and seeing his beautiful mom.  I miss you Hatchet!

I rode my bike from Waterton to Raymond in four hours.  'Nuff said!

I hiked the Triple Crown.  In one day.  August 22, 2011, is hand's down one of the most epic days of my entire life.  I remember talking to my mom on the phone the night before, telling her, "Mom.  I'm more excited for tomorrow than I think I've ever been about getting married or Christmas morning combined."  And the Triple Crown didn't let me down.  Not one little bit.  

If you're not familiar with what the Triple Crown is, it's a hiking challenge issued out by Pearl's Cafe to complete the hikes Crypt, Akamina Ridge, and Carthew-Alderson in one summer.  Last summer, three friends completed it in one day.  Which is where I got the motivation and idea to do the same thing with my friends Scott Leishman and Shawn Elford.  If you want to get to know somebody, hike 56.2 km with them in one day.  I'll have to do a separate post on this experience, because a couple paragraphs just won't do it justice.

I went on a fantastic road trip and adventure with some new and old friends to Kalispel.  Nothing beats going away and enjoying the gluttonous pleasures boasted by Amuurica.  I'm convinced that the junk food isles in the States have more foreign and absurd things than any museum I've ever been to.  It was a pleasure to spend time with people after being so solitary all summer.  Thanks for all the fun!

So long sweet summer.