Bravery.

I've always considered myself to be really brave.

While living in Logan, Utah, I played in the graveyard across the road instead of the playground beside my family's apartment. Graveyards don't scare me and I have no problem walking through them in the dark.

While growing up in Raymond, my family would spend Sunday afternoons driving across the countryside looking for abandoned homesteads. We'd spend hours looking through the rubble left behind in the empty, old houses and sheds. Then for an extra thrill, we'd go back in the dark to watch scary movies, like “The Ring”, in them. Abandoned houses don't scare me and I have no problem watching scary movies in them in the dark.

While living out here in Waterton, I've made some goals regarding hiking. I try to hike Bear's Hump everyday and I want to do every hike in Waterton before the summer ends. Some days I've forgotten to climb Bear's Hump until it was already late, in which case I've found myself hiking alone in the dark. This week I did three hikes, Forum, Wall, and Bertha Lakes. Completely alone. Hiking alone doesn't scare me and I only had a little problem hiking alone in the dark (I had to sing really loud to maintain my bravery, haha).

Yeah, so I'm pretty brave.

At least I thought so.

That was until something really scary happened.

This week two guys I work with invited me to go hang out at the Dardenelles, the narrow, river section which connects Middle Waterton Lake to the Lower Lake. There was going to be music, frisbee, swimming, sun tanning, and so on. The perfect way to spend the perfect summer afternoon. I couldn't say no, literally. So after agreeing and leaving to 'get ready', I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to think of any excuse possible to get out of going. Hanging out with new people REALLY scares me and I will do anything to try and get out of it.

Fortunately, one of the guys held me very accountable, walking right into my house and checking that I was coming before he left. It was impossible to formulate an excuse to not go with him standing right there. I had no choice but to go. I faced a real fear. A fear which is MINE. Which made me realize something.

I'M NOT BRAVE AT ALL.

Bravery is all about facing REAL fears. Facing YOUR fears. Although graveyards, abandoned houses, the dark, and hiking alone are definitely frightening to other people, they just don't scare me. So facing them doesn't make me brave at all. It's exactly the same as eating an ice cream cone or taking a shower. Not scary. Which makes me not brave.

Luckily, I know what scares me. I know my fears. Which means I know what I need to do if I want to be brave.

Talking to a group of girls I don't know would make me brave.

Hanging out with a group of classmates or co-workers, outside of school or work, would make me brave.

Being forward enough to let a guy know that I'm interested in him would make me brave.

Letting myself really fall for someone would make me brave.

Opening up and sharing my thoughts, dreams, and passions with someone besides my select few would make me brave.

Telling someone exactly how much I care about them would make me brave.

Showing my life in great detail through pictures over Facebook and my blog would make me brave.

Allowing myself to really display my emotions would make me brave.

Basically, I'm a social scaredy-cat. Social settings, social interactions, and relationships scare me. And in my 22 years here on earth, I've done very little in regards to facing my fears. I'm a bravery amateur.  And I don't know if I'm brave enough to really step up to the plate and accept the challenge of facing these fears.  But realizing all of this has made me start thinking...

Isn't it so interesting how things that scare you can be completely natural and nice to someone else? 

Are you really facing YOUR fears, or are you simply facing the fears of others and calling yourself brave?