Depression: A Tale of Tears and Triumph

Things are different around these parts.  I'm not quite sure when things changed, but they're different.

I'm healing.

Or maybe a better way to put it is that I'm winning.  Either way, that "black dog" called Depression that used to be following me around seems to have disappeared.  I'm a happy camper now.  Probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.  Who knew that I would have to pass through the torture of Depression to experience my greatest happiness?  Not I.

I'm of the opinion that Depression will probably be a battle that trails behind me for the rest of my life.  It will continue to wait in the shadows until it finds another vulnerable time in my life to pounce.  However, the knowledge and skills I have obtained in fighting Depression will also be waiting to fly to my defence when that time comes.  Which is why I use the present tense to describe myself.  I am not healed and I have not won.  But without a shadow of doubt, I am happy.

When I think back to a year ago, I can't help but shudder.  I was two months away from being married. And I was two months away from snapping.  Jon and I are now at a point where we can laugh about how absolutely dreadful the first three months of marriage were.  Rather than jumping into one of the most anticipated parts of life with both feet and a smile on my face, I cascaded into a pit of despair, flailing and screaming and scrambling to grab onto any remnant of my "old" life, when things were "great."

Thankfully, I married a good man.  Jon is a saint.  He stood by me when I did everything in my power to push him away.  He did his best to understand something that really doesn't make sense.  And he encouraged me to do the treatments that I needed to but wouldn't.

I'm really not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post.  I guess it just feels like I'm in the middle of turning to a new page in my life and I want to make it more official.  As strange as it sounds, I'm grateful I had Depression thrown into my path.  I've been stretched.  And it feels good.  I'm a better person because of it.  I have more compassion for people who pass through the trials of life.  

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