My Search For My Dream Job.

Hands down, the most time-consuming, stressful, difficult, infuriating, depressing, intimidating, and just plain hardest decision I've ever had to make was deciding what I wanted to "be" when I grew up.  I knew I had potential and I knew I had the work ethic to take me where ever I wanted, I just plain didn't know where that was exactly.  Perhaps the Plans For The Future section of my grade twelve year book will give you enough insight into just how lost I really was when it came to planning ahead.

This is literally what 18 year old Kristen had to say.

As lost as I was in determining my future career and plans, there was one thing I knew for sure: that motherhood wasn't for me.  Sadly enough, I was convinced that I had "more potential than that" and that "just having kids" was "the easy way out."  I wanted fame and fortune, glory and grandeur; I wanted to conquer the world and live out my days receiving the accolades and attention of the people who mattered.  So, I set out to become a Respiratory Therapist.

To make an incredibly long and boring story short, I dropped out.  By Thanksgiving, less than 2 months into the RT program, I knew Respiratory Therapy was not for me and that I would need to find a different career path towards awesomeness.  Thus began one of the most confusing and frustrating periods of my life: deciding what to do/be.  It went something like this, everyday, all day, for almost a year.

I'm really good at exercising!  Maybe I should be a gym teacher?

No, no, no.  You wouldn't like that.  The lazy kids would bother you!

Well, what about a personal trainer?  That way the people would want to exercise?

Yeah, but I still don't think you'd like that.  And that doesn't pay as much as you want.

I could be a stenographer!  I'm really good at typing.

No.  That sounds boring.  All you'd do is type!

I could be a dental hygienist.  They make really good money, don't they?

Yeah, but do you really want to scratch junk out of strangers' mouths all day?

No.  You're right.  That does sound gross.  I wish it could just be summer all year long so I could work at the Raymond pool.  Lifeguarding is the only job I know I love.

But that is a job for kids.  You're already too old to be working there.

I know.  I give up.

No!  Don't give up!  Think about what you're good at...  You're good at exercising!  Maybe you could be a gym teacher?

AND IT WENT ON AND ON AND ON.

Finally, on one particularly disheartening Sunday spent bickering in my mind, I decided to read my scriptures.  I came across a passage that really stood out to me; it didn't tell me what career to pursue, and I was definitely just as lost as before in regards to what my plans for the future should be, but my mind was finally at peace.  It said:

(16) And this shall be your business and mission in all your lives, to preside in council, and set in order all the affairs of this church and kingdom.

(17) Be not ashamed, neither confounded; but be admonished in all your high-mindedness and pride, for it bringeth a snare upon your souls.

(18) Set in order your houses; keep slothfulness and uncleanness far from you.

(15) And set in order the churches, and study and learn, and become acquainted with all good books, and with languages, tongues, and people.

It must have been then that I realized that truly the most important work I could do would be in my own home and within the church.  Since then, what I want to "be" when I grow up has only become more and more clear.  Here are a few things I wish to be:

+ I want to be the crazy lady standing at the corner of the last 100m of the track, screaming at the top of her lungs at that poor, tired kid who needs an extra push to finish the 400m.

+ I want to the social convenor, planning fun outdoor activities all across the province, all summer long.

+ I want to be the woman who is taking more pictures of her offspring than a Japanese tourist takes of every random building and plant they come across on vacation.

+ I want to be a house cleaning dictator who works alongside and teaches how to properly complete regular household chores, cracking down on any dust swept behind doors.

+ I want to be the baker who gives away both beaters covered in cookie dough to the faithful observers hovering nearby.

+ I want to be the not-so-green-thumb who plants a garden each year, not so much for the vegetables, but more for what a garden teaches young people about hard work and pay off.

+ I want to be the hobbyist who covers the house with enough crafts to make it a home.

+ I want to be the fashion designer who dresses a family well through frugality, whether it be thrifting, sewing, or hand-me-downs.

+ I want to be the listening ear who can offer reassurance and comfort through words, tears, or hugs.

+ Ultimately, in short, I want to be the woman on the left, because she has shown me through years of example what the most well-rounded and rewarding job there is out there.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I sure love you.  Thanks for being the best mentor I didn't even know that I had.