This past week I've been scrambling against time to finish the last few things on my summer to do list. Last night I completed one of them. I went to the Thirsty Bear with the Zum's staff.
Perhaps tagging along to a bar was against my better judgment, but I don't regret it at all. In fact, it was one of those experiences that really, really opened my eyes. And I'm starting to like having my eyes opened. It's good for me.
I felt like a guest of honor as all my co-workers came up to express their surprise and excitement to see me there, my boss even bought me a virgin ceasar. It was easy to see that everyone was in their element, everyone was letting loose after a day of work, and everyone was happy to be there.
Eventually the liquid happiness everyone was consuming began to take its toll. Jokes became funnier. Voices grew louder. Dance moves flourished. Touching became a language. And I was suddenly filled with an emotion I've come to know as nothing more than pity. It was bitter sweet actually. As fun as it was to be with my friends, enjoying one of the last few days we have together, I felt incredibly sorry that this was what they considered a good time. The more they drank, the less they felt. These intelligent and excellent people I work with gradually became laughing and swaying zombies. They weren't the people I know. They were numb.
As I left the bar at midnight and walked home, the only thing I could think of is how grateful I am that I get to feel and experience every millisecond of my life, that I always get to be myself and not a drunken or high version of myself. Life is too short to pass by in segments of stupor.
I grew up thinking the reason I didn't go out drinking was because I wasn't allowed. Now I don't because I want to be present and experience and remember all of this great adventure my life is. I don't want to be numb, I want to feel whatever life has to throw at me, whether it's the exuberance and accomplishment of standing on a mountain or the remorse and sorrow of trudging through a family trial. It's such a blessing that I can feel.
And as of right now, I feel like I might just cry when I have to say goodbye to Waterton tomorrow.
Perhaps tagging along to a bar was against my better judgment, but I don't regret it at all. In fact, it was one of those experiences that really, really opened my eyes. And I'm starting to like having my eyes opened. It's good for me.
I felt like a guest of honor as all my co-workers came up to express their surprise and excitement to see me there, my boss even bought me a virgin ceasar. It was easy to see that everyone was in their element, everyone was letting loose after a day of work, and everyone was happy to be there.
Eventually the liquid happiness everyone was consuming began to take its toll. Jokes became funnier. Voices grew louder. Dance moves flourished. Touching became a language. And I was suddenly filled with an emotion I've come to know as nothing more than pity. It was bitter sweet actually. As fun as it was to be with my friends, enjoying one of the last few days we have together, I felt incredibly sorry that this was what they considered a good time. The more they drank, the less they felt. These intelligent and excellent people I work with gradually became laughing and swaying zombies. They weren't the people I know. They were numb.
As I left the bar at midnight and walked home, the only thing I could think of is how grateful I am that I get to feel and experience every millisecond of my life, that I always get to be myself and not a drunken or high version of myself. Life is too short to pass by in segments of stupor.
I grew up thinking the reason I didn't go out drinking was because I wasn't allowed. Now I don't because I want to be present and experience and remember all of this great adventure my life is. I don't want to be numb, I want to feel whatever life has to throw at me, whether it's the exuberance and accomplishment of standing on a mountain or the remorse and sorrow of trudging through a family trial. It's such a blessing that I can feel.
And as of right now, I feel like I might just cry when I have to say goodbye to Waterton tomorrow.
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