[don't] Gimme Sympathy

Imagine you're having a bad day.

Now imagine that things get bad enough that you're pushed to the limits and you start to cry.

Now imagine that this break down happens in public.

Now imagine that a bunch of people start gathering around you, asking what's wrong and trying to console you with that look of pity mixed with sympathy in their eyes.

Who would agree with me that the LAST thing you want right then is a bunch of people crowded around you, trying to put an awkward arm around you and saying a bunch of half hearted words of consolation?

Since deciding to "come out" on my blog about the tender topic of Depression, I've been a little hesitant to hit the good old "Publish" at the end of writing each post.  At times I get worried that my somewhat brutal honesty could come across as nothing more than a plea for sympathy, or a cyber replay of the scenario I just described.  Trust me when I say that I have no evil designs of reaping the sympathy of others, in fact I write each post with dry eyes and a happy heart.

So why am I writing these painfully, maybe even awkwardly, honest posts?  Well, somebody needs to.

Although I grew up being somewhat familiar with Depression, I still thought in the back of my mind that it was really just an excuse for being in a bad mood all the time.  And everyone knows that you can choose to make yourself not be in a bad mood.  But then the bad mood hit me.  And try as I might, I just couldn't seem to be able to make myself opt out of it.

As the bad mood began to take over my life and new marriage, things eventually got very bleak.  What made things worse was my inability to accept that something was wrong and that I actually needed to treat it.  But how can you accept something that nobody EVER talks about?  Something that is SO backwards from every single happy-go-lucky image of life, especially life as a newly wed?  Because according to nearly every single newly wedded lifestyle blog out there, I'm supposed to be living the dream.

So I decided to take a stand.  I decided to accept my Depression.  I decided to be completely unembarrassed and open about it.  I decided to blog about it.  And with this decision came an unimaginable strength extended through others sharing their same stories and experiences with me.

What the heck?  I'm not alone?  I'm not the only person with this problem?!  I'm not the only young wedded woman struggling out there?

This realization was extremely eye opening, which is why I now continue to blog about my problem.  Because if the stories of others helped me out, perhaps my simple story can be a help to others.

I promise my blog isn't a pity party.  Good night.