To My Seven Evil Exes

I asked for a binder with lined paper for my 8^th birthday.  And that's what I got.  Long story short, I'm a note hoarder. I can entertain myself with some paper, a pen, and my thoughts for hours. And then I keep these silly ramblings for later days.

Today turned out to be a “later day.” I found some hoarded ramblings that I can't resist sharing. Please enjoy.

TO MY SEVEN EVIL EXES.

Dear [Number One] (I have chosen to protect the names of these poor, poor boys),

I didn't even really like you. I'm just saying. (Whoa Kristen, ouch!)  I'll be honest, peer pressure was the culprit behind our relationship, you know, my friends were dating your friends and to hang out I needed a boyfriend. It's like a secret code or something. I regret cuddling with you and in retrospect, I would have rather had the Dairy Queen Blizzard my mom offered me if I could wait until I turned 16 to have my first kiss. I guess 15 isn't that bad. I just wish I would have actually really liked my first boyfriend and first kiss. I even remember thinking, “Eww, kissing's not even that cool,” while smooching you. Oh well.

-Kristen

Dear Number Two,

I legitimately liked you. A lot. And it scared me that someone might steal you. I learned a lot while dating you. I learned to not pass cars that aren't signalling, to not hold hands in front of a friend with an electrical fly swatter, that boys don't always drive, that boys might pretend to slap you instead of giving a hug goodbye, and that kissing in the backyard is a bad idea (Because your Dad might catch you... awkward). And I also learned how unattractive arrogance can be I've hung out with you since your mission and that ego is most definitely tamed I'm glad to say. You're a great guy and you have tons of potential. I'm proud to say I dated you! Go win your life.

-Kristen

Dear Number Three,

I broke your heart and I'm really sorry. I don't know why things had to work out the way they did. I saw a temper in you that made me uncomfortable, but you were the first boy to really treat me like a gentleman and take me on dates. Thank you!! I'm sorry if my cruel treatment fuelled some rash decisions you've made since. Please forgive me.

-Kristen

Dear Number Four,

Talk about an ego boost! You were the older, handsome brother of a friend and being even acknowledged by you was a THRILL! Here's a secret, while I took your roommate to Preference, my sights were really on you. I consider you my first REAL boyfriend. Oh how I loved to sit in the middle by you and hold your hand. You treated me so nicely, but you did make me a little nervous with how verbally affectionate you were, calling me “Babe” and even hinting at the “M-word.” It broke my heart as you pulled away. I still blame it on how I didn't quite fit in with your friends. Oh well.

-Kristen

Dear Number Five,

You are SUCH A NICE GUY. That's why I just couldn't say no to dating you. I regret our relationship, I think you may have been a rebound, and you most certainly didn't deserve that. I loved to chat with you though and you put in so much effort to show how much you cared, always complimenting me. Unfortunately your greatest strength was also your greatest weakness. I need a guy with more confidence and your tenderness became frustrating. I'm so sorry for being so cold towards the end. I was going through such a personally difficult time and just needed space. Thanks for being so kind.

-Kristen

Dear Number Six,

We were a bad idea from the start. We should have known all the obstacles preventing us from dating for so long should have been a sign from the start. You still loved your ex-girlfriend, but we were so attracted to each other's sheer height and intellect. You were the first amazingly tall boy I've dated. Sorry for being so weird about affection and sorry for being so mean by the end too. Again, I was going through a difficult personal time. I was not ready to let someone in. And you wanted your ex-girlfriend anyways!

-Kristen

Dear Number Seven,

I don't care what you say, I'm considering you a boyfriend. Although we never became “official,” you were the first boy I think I've ever started to fall for. I loved having you as a friend and the chemistry was always there. I hate to say it, but I spiritually suffered with you, yet I grew and learned so many other things. I learned the importance of communicating, it was cool to discuss and hear each other out. I learned it's okay to be a little bit taller than the boy and it's possible to still feel feminine if that's the case. You also showed me I need to demand some things you didn't have. You were not the worthy priesthood holder I need and you did not respect me around your friends. Although I could over look them then, they're actually important and I deserve much better. I had so much fun with you and I'll admit you were the hardest to get over.

-Kristen

I got a good chuckle out of all of these. And they made me so grateful that I no longer have to write letters like these. I'm glad I was able to learn such valuable lessons about picking the right guy. If it hadn't had been for these “evil exes” I never would have figured out the important things I need to look for and I never would have found a guy who has everything I need, and more.

I can't say enough about the man who stands by me today. Especially that he is actually still standing beside me after the fiasco of our first few months of marriage and my battle with Depression. I owe him more than I can ever repay and I look forward to standing beside him for the rest of my life and beyond.  

I now know that a husband and wife are a team and they work together and they lean on each other for support.  My stubborn pride and need for independence made the journey to discovering this little tidbit of knowledge quite difficult and much longer than needed.  I feel it's safe to say that when you're married, you no longer have "your problems."  You take on the new responsibility of "OUR PROBLEMS."  Choosing to do things on my own for so long was a bad choice and drove a real wedge between us.  I'm so glad I finally decided to lean on my spouse and that he was there all along just waiting for me to.     

Jonathan Francisco Ruiz, I love you.