If there is one thing I can say about my childhood, it's that my parents taught me how to work.
I'll always remember the time I sneakily swept all the dirt on the bathroom floor behind the door because I knew my mom would never look there. Unfortunately, she looked there. And then I had to sweep the floor all over again anyways. I don't know how she did it, but my mom could always find what I skipped or missed in my cleaning and would make me go back and fix it.
Then there were the evenings and afternoons spent helping my dad set up the irrigation pipes for our small pasture by hand. And mornings and evenings spent feeding my 4H calf. And don't forget the weekends spent cramming to get that dang calf halter broken for the show and sale.
There was also the garden to weed, trees to water, fences to paint, and garages to sweep. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was no stranger to work. In fact, I enjoyed hard work. I revelled in it. I was raised to be good friends with it.
But then I got married. And suddenly I felt as incompetent as someone who has never worked a day in their life.
While growing up, I heard the phrase, "Marriage is hard work," probably a million times. However, this only made me feel more qualified for the job. I knew what hard work was! In fact, I had mastered it! I had spent entire days weed whipping at the Raymond Golf Course until both my arms were completely numb! I had watered over 100 trees by hand, carrying a five gallon bucket to each of them from the pump! Marriage was obviously going to be a cake walk for me.
Unfortunately, the work I knew and loved was easy and immediately rewarding. Sure, I sweat a little and my hands maybe got dirty and sometimes I felt completely worn out afterwards. I knew what needed to be done and the work ended when that was completed. As for marriage, "hard work" was an understatement. My kind of hard work and the hard work required in marriage was like comparing tadpoles to whales. Let me explain why.
I'm convinced that getting married is the best way for a person to discover what their very own weaknesses and shortcomings are. Because whether you want it to or not, marriage will bring both of these to your attention and the hard work begins with how you choose to handle it. In my case, physical labour, cleaning, organizing, and the types of chores I associated with work were all easy. You could even call them fun. On the other hand, things that might be easy for some people were incredibly hard for me. For example, thoroughly communicating with Jon about what was troubling me was nearly impossible, let alone hard work. And having to live in the city during the summer instead of retreating to my home in the country was devastating, to say hard work is an understatement. Who the heck would have thought that simply talking about my problems and living in a city could be some of the hardest work I've ever faced in my entire life?!
Perhaps everyone already knows this and I was the only person left in the dark about what is actually meant when marriage is called "hard work." I don't know. Either way, the best way to determine the kind of work you're going to face when you tie the knot is to figure out what you struggle with personally. If you struggle with patience, marriage is going to push you in ways you never even knew were possible. If you have a hard time budgeting money, marriage is going to be a major wake-up call. The "hard work" faced in marriage is not a universal norm that everyone encounters. It is as unique as yourself and as original as your marriage.
Although all of this was a painful realization, I can now honestly say that the hard work I've encountered in marriage has been by far the most beneficial. Sure, the physical labour and cleaning I did while growing up helped me cultivate traits of self-discipline and a love for cleanliness, but those benefits don't even come close to the joy I've felt from overcoming the obstacles marriage has presented. I've been able to learn more about my weaknesses and have also consequently been able to push through them and stretch myself as an individual.
Marriage truly is better than hard work.
I'll always remember the time I sneakily swept all the dirt on the bathroom floor behind the door because I knew my mom would never look there. Unfortunately, she looked there. And then I had to sweep the floor all over again anyways. I don't know how she did it, but my mom could always find what I skipped or missed in my cleaning and would make me go back and fix it.
Then there were the evenings and afternoons spent helping my dad set up the irrigation pipes for our small pasture by hand. And mornings and evenings spent feeding my 4H calf. And don't forget the weekends spent cramming to get that dang calf halter broken for the show and sale.
There was also the garden to weed, trees to water, fences to paint, and garages to sweep. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was no stranger to work. In fact, I enjoyed hard work. I revelled in it. I was raised to be good friends with it.
But then I got married. And suddenly I felt as incompetent as someone who has never worked a day in their life.
While growing up, I heard the phrase, "Marriage is hard work," probably a million times. However, this only made me feel more qualified for the job. I knew what hard work was! In fact, I had mastered it! I had spent entire days weed whipping at the Raymond Golf Course until both my arms were completely numb! I had watered over 100 trees by hand, carrying a five gallon bucket to each of them from the pump! Marriage was obviously going to be a cake walk for me.
Unfortunately, the work I knew and loved was easy and immediately rewarding. Sure, I sweat a little and my hands maybe got dirty and sometimes I felt completely worn out afterwards. I knew what needed to be done and the work ended when that was completed. As for marriage, "hard work" was an understatement. My kind of hard work and the hard work required in marriage was like comparing tadpoles to whales. Let me explain why.
I'm convinced that getting married is the best way for a person to discover what their very own weaknesses and shortcomings are. Because whether you want it to or not, marriage will bring both of these to your attention and the hard work begins with how you choose to handle it. In my case, physical labour, cleaning, organizing, and the types of chores I associated with work were all easy. You could even call them fun. On the other hand, things that might be easy for some people were incredibly hard for me. For example, thoroughly communicating with Jon about what was troubling me was nearly impossible, let alone hard work. And having to live in the city during the summer instead of retreating to my home in the country was devastating, to say hard work is an understatement. Who the heck would have thought that simply talking about my problems and living in a city could be some of the hardest work I've ever faced in my entire life?!
Perhaps everyone already knows this and I was the only person left in the dark about what is actually meant when marriage is called "hard work." I don't know. Either way, the best way to determine the kind of work you're going to face when you tie the knot is to figure out what you struggle with personally. If you struggle with patience, marriage is going to push you in ways you never even knew were possible. If you have a hard time budgeting money, marriage is going to be a major wake-up call. The "hard work" faced in marriage is not a universal norm that everyone encounters. It is as unique as yourself and as original as your marriage.
Although all of this was a painful realization, I can now honestly say that the hard work I've encountered in marriage has been by far the most beneficial. Sure, the physical labour and cleaning I did while growing up helped me cultivate traits of self-discipline and a love for cleanliness, but those benefits don't even come close to the joy I've felt from overcoming the obstacles marriage has presented. I've been able to learn more about my weaknesses and have also consequently been able to push through them and stretch myself as an individual.
Marriage truly is better than hard work.
This is genius! I never could say why marriage was hard work before (even though I knew it was!), but you have worded it 100% correctly. It really does show you all of your imperfections (as well as your spouses) ha ha. You are also right when you say it is the most rewarding though. Great post, Kristen!
ReplyDeleteThank you Alex!!!
DeleteWell put! So many times when I read your blog I see myself in your writing. Anyway, there are definitely different types of work and I too was a champ at physical work, but I totally sucked at emotional work. Trust, patience and teamwork have been a few of many things that I now realize are hard work for me. I feel like this idea has been floating around in my head but I haven't been able to catch it and frame, but now that I read this, it totally makes sense, so thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDelete"Emotional Work" --- I LOVE THAT. It's so true. The emotional stuff is what is hard for me too. I prefer to just shut my brain and emotions off and get down to cleaning something. Emme -- please let me read your blog!! Your comments are exactly what I didn't know how to say, and in many more posts than just this one.
DeleteI thought I wrote a comment but it didn't show up here, so here it is again. my favorite part of this post was when you talked about how whatever you struggle with personally, it's going to be pushed to the limits in marriage. I've noticed that even just with dating and being engaged. I'm often impatient and not overly sensitive. Matthew has made me have to be more patient and sensitive and it's been really hard and frustrating, but I know it'll help me as a wife and mother. I really see marriage as a refiners fire. Being married, if we are willing, makes us work hard at our personal weaknesses. If we can overcome those weaknesses thru marriage, we are becoming more perfected a like God. It's to bad that many don't want to work at it as they don't see how much it will bless them.
ReplyDeleteGah - another great comment. I LOVE what you said about the "Refiner's fire." It's totally true. You made me realize why getting married is sometimes called "the next step" and why we need to do it in order to progress. If we never get married, we never have the opportunity to overcome the weaknesses that we can get by without noticing. Husbands are so good to bring those out into the open ;) Hahah, but seriously --- so true!!! You're going to be a great wife since you're already figuring this stuff out early. Haha, I sure wish I had.
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