Closure.

The book of my life has concluded yet another chapter.  I actually feel quite speechless now.  Yet at the same time, I feel as if I need to write some sort of proper conclusion before I move on.  But how do you conclude an experience that has taken a little piece of your heart with it?

I'll admit I've struggled to turn that last page and look forward to the premature beginning of a new chapter I never expected.  

This isn't supposed to be how the story goes!  The next chapter was supposed to begin in July with the introduction of a new character!

But this is how the story goes.  And the next chapter starts now.

x

How do you conclude a chapter like this?  And how do you begin an unexpected new one?

I could talk about how it hurt and how I felt selfish for hurting.  I could try to describe the rollercoaster of emotions.  I could mourn, and I could even begin the next chapter still mourning.

I could speak of the unbelievable kindness that enveloped me by my family, my friends, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers.  I could praise their charity and depict the service they extended to Jon and I.

I could be blunt and scientific.  I could summarize the biology of what went wrong and explain each and every step of the way.  

I could extend an arm of comfort to those who have yet to face this trial.  I could speak of the wonderful women who did exactly that to me and how it helps to know you're not alone.

x

Yet none of those really sound like my story.  And none of them seem quite right for the conclusion of this chapter.  Such a complex chapter begs for a simple conclusion.  And the most simple and profound conclusion I can muster is this:

Have faith.

While studying "Confessions" by St. Augustine last semester I was drawn to the summation our teacher gave regarding Augustine's perception of his own life.  If you are unfamiliar with St. Augustine, for lack of a better word, he was a 'rebel' for the majority of his life, tossed to and fro by his desires and search for the truth.  It wasn't until his mid-life that he converted to the Roman Catholic Church and served as the Bishop of Hippo.  While a Bishop, he wrote "Confessions," an autobiography rich in testimony and praise of God.  While looking back on his life in order to write this story, Augustine was able to connect the dots and realize how each chapter played an important role in leading him to exactly where he was then as the Bishop of Hippo.  In retrospect, Augustine was able to acknowledge and note how each poor decision, each trial and each seemingly unimportant twist of fate lead him to his destination as Bishop.  Which leads me back to my story.

In retrospect, this dot will connect.  When I look back, it will all make sense.  Until then, I just need to have faith.  I need to choose to accept what is thrown at me.  I can do this with a grin on my face or a complaint on my lips.  The dots will all connect.  This small and painful moment in my life will make complete sense.  Until then, all I need is faith.  

All I need is faith.

The dots will connect.

This will all make sense.

x